my written kiss

Muse with god above
Help me write for my love
Words of passion and of grace
removing tears from her face

I will never be a truly special man
So I must remember where I stand
Remember all I write is stupid rhymes
But its so damn hard at times

Like when I brought tears to your eyes
Felt like a special man hearing your cries
Or when I make you laugh on a hard day
Makes me want to thank God as I pray

For letting me be the one you turn to
Because I know you let in so few
So choose to you this
Hope you enjoy my written kiss

 

Reviews

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

oh damn i know that feeling. this is a bit rough in places but i get a single feeling from behind it all and i dont think you could have explained it better unless you included somthing about it being love mixed in with somthing else. im not sure that makes any sense but i cant explaine it any better sorry. i like this though good job.

[Jessie]

I loved this poem! excellent write! The words come together so nicely all just fell into place. I really enjoyed, carry on!

[Elanra]

I just loved it... I think it is very well written and it doesnt felt like you struggled writing this. It has a natural flow...

I agree with Courtney's 1st and 2nd suggestions but not the 3rd one about the "very" in the 14th line. It has the exact number of syllables with the 13th line.

Great expressing, beautiful rhymes and a natural flow. Well done.

[Courtney]

this is good, but it sounds a bit chopy
perhaps take out the word "to" in the second line, "any" from the fourth, "very" in the 14th... I would also shorten the syllables in the second to last line, you have ten in 15th line and eight in the 16th. If the syllable count in the 15th line were brought down to eight as well it might have a smoother flow to it.

I do love the last line :D
as well as the sentiment behind the entirity of the poem, nicely done.