on the inside

on the inside vs the outside

This is who i am on the outside. I am a person who can have a smile on my face, who can be laughing and joking. I have a lot of energy kept bottled up looking for danger in every situation.

This is who i am inside. I am an eighteen year old who will do anything to make others happy. I am an eighteen year old who constantly thinks of suicide, who fantasizes their death on a daily. I am a person who is broken on the inside, torn to pieces, beyond repair. This is who i am on the inside.  I am someone who only finds freedom once their last breath is to be taken. Who wants one last adventure before they slowly fades away. On the inside i scream in pain, having urges that are unimaginable, who will do anything to make the screams stop. On the inside i held on for so long just to watch the world crash and burn around them, losing all hope in the good of the world. On the inside i scream. I scream for the past, for the present, and for the future that i do not want. On the inside i am gone,hollow, just existing. On the inside i am already dead.  On the inside “I feel worthless so I wanna’ hurt this”, on the inside i lost all purpose for life. I know this sounds repetitive but i hope it brings into perspective of just what it is like to be me.  Because what you see is not who i am.

Author's Note

ignore grammer