Odd Man Out

A Story by ACB

Odd Man Out

The layout of Allegretti Motors resembles the cookie cutter floor plan most dealerships employ. The entrance immediately opens up to the showroom floor, displaying dozens of vehicles that are changed weekly, flooding one’s senses with that often adored new car smell. In the front of the showroom is the “tower”, the domain of the sales managers. The tower is off limits for anyone not of managerial status, except for Shane who has made himself a legend within the walls of Allegretti Motors. Founded some eighty-three years ago by the Allegretti family, the dealership has been family owned and operated since the doors first opened. On the opposite side of the showroom is the finance department, a cluster of four adjoining offices with ceiling windows and glass doors eliminating any possibility of privacy. Aside from the vehicles, filling the gap between the finance department and the tower is a minefield of cubicles complete with aging computers and deteriorating desks that house the sales consultants, who scurry across the show room floor like rats, often with no sense of purpose.

Shane is more fortunate than most. Instead of a rotting cubicle he has his own office, without windows or a glass door. Aside from the owner Shane has the most luxurious workspace in the entire dealership. Katsikas is the director of sales, a fancy title for a sales consultant who handles all of the owner’s clients and referrals. Inside his office, Shane pounds away on his keyboard situated on the first desk ever brought into the dealership. Standing at only 5’8’’ with a heavyset frame, Shane uses his ergonomic desk chair to navigate his office instead of his legs. It is from this relic of a workspace, perched in his office chair, that Shane sells an average of thirty cars a month, one month totaling more than seventy. A day at the office without a sale is considered a failure by Shane, a relatively high standard considering most salesman only sell an average of ten cars a month, if that.

The world in which Shane Katsikas works is a microcosm of society, unique to automotive dealerships across the country. The inhabitants are all the usual suspects found in this environment. The dealership population consists of crooks fulfilling their work release program duties, wannabe thugs, and “yuppies” eager to make a quick buck, so they can all brag about it.

Shane was born and bred in Lincolnwood, IL and spent his entire adolescence attending el Yeshiva Shearis Yisorel, before attending four different universities in a span of four years. Shane’s parents had intended for him to have a religious calling of sorts, but that backfired. Shane refuted his religious beliefs and spent his college years partying, leading to his expulsion from every university he attended. Of his thirty-eight graduating classmates, Shane was the only graduate who chose not to attend seminary. This was the start of an unfortunate trend that routinely left Shane as the odd man out. In high school Shane was the center of attention, but when he left for college he quickly realized he was no longer a big fish in a small pond. This reclusive state led Shane to resort to drugs and alcohol, a habit he is still trying to overcome today.

Shane is a real life example of what many would call a “true salesman”. He is always selling something, regardless of circumstance. If he isn’t selling an Escalade he is either networking for future clients or managing one of the fifteen apartment buildings he owns with his uncle. The typical sales consultant at an automotive dealership works roughly sixty hours a week over a span of five days, Monday through Saturday. Two of these days involve a monotonous twelve-hour shift, with one day off in-between, the other coming on Sunday. Shane’s weekly schedule is drastically different. Never taking a day off, unless the dealership is closed, he grinds through twelve-hour shifts on a daily basis. Even though the dealership’s working hours end at 9 P.M it isn’t uncommon to find Shane penciling deals or studying invoices well after midnight. The owner even offered to build Shane his own apartment attached to the dealership, which he declined.

Spending all of his social life locked within the walls of the dealership, Shane consequently alienated himself. Often too tired to bother going out with friends, or to attempt finding them, Shane retreats to his Lake Shore Drive condo and showers himself in narcotics. Any given night Shane can be found numb on his couch from the effects of cocaine, marijuana, prescription pain killers, or alcohol. It is not rare that Shane employs all of these substances at once to escape the reality of his downtrodden life.

Even though Shane possesses several indubitable qualities that vault him into the elite rankings of the auto industry[1], there are several traits that contradict this prowess. Walking into Katsikas’ office, customers immediately find themselves transfixed in an environment saturated with filth. Years of paperwork, often containing personal information, are littered throughout the confines of his office with no organization or thought. He has an assistant to handle such tasks, but her only responsibility is ordering and picking up all of his meals, evident in the mountain of Greek take out remains that explodes from his garbage can on a daily basis. As any salesman should, Shane works for the highest profit on every sale. In doing so Shane has financially crushed hundreds of customers, including friends, family, and even some of the dealership’s employees.

With all of the countless hours spent at the dealership and the nature of his sales tactics, Shane has made himself more of an outsider. The only social interaction Shane experiences are the customers who come to see him, or the casual business relationships he has made in the automotive business. Through the years, Shane’s alienation has transformed him into a creature hell bent on self-destruction, spending what little free time he has alone self-medicating, only to brag about his endeavors to anyone who will listen. This obvious cry for help only adds to the essence of Shane Katsikas, an absent soul on a downward spiral no one seems to notice or comprehend.

[1] In 2007 General Motors ranked Katsikas in the top ten for the most successful sales consultants across the country