'When you were with me'

'When you were with me'

A Poem by Vivek K. Tiwari
"

The sadness and pain through which a lover gies after being separated

"
When you were with me,
You were the bestest part of my life,
I was happy , cheerful and lively ,

When you were with me ,
You were angel of my dreams ,
You were my inspirations , teacher and heart ,

When you were with me ,
I had everything i needed,
You cared for me which i loved alot ,

When you were with me ,
I use to be sad when you were sad ,
I use to cry saw you crying ,
I loved copying you ......

Now you are not around ,
So i am moron and angry with myself even ...
I had a smile which you took away,

See what you changed ....
I longer belong to myself ,
I longer dream about being with you

But repents why i did so earlier .....
When you were with me ....
I use to love you so much and same as you did ....
But i still love but you not even hell care about
it ......


#VivekKTiwari

© 2013 Vivek K. Tiwari


Author's Note

Vivek K. Tiwari
it's bascially a freestyle poem, please do read and reviews it .....

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I like the overall theme. But you do have to work on the accuracy. You have made some mistakes that almost changed the meaning of the poem. Please,do not misunderstand me,your poem is good,really good in fact. But you let carelessness stain the pure white linen of sheer genius which you have beautifully penned here. You can read other poems to boost your writing ability. I recommend witers on this site like Lori Carlson,Muse,Sami Khalil and maybe me(lol). You have it in you,but you have not yet reached it. I am impressed though.
To crown it all,you have the talent,but you really need to work on it. How old are you? Please do not take any offence at my review. I am only trying to help improve your art. I hope you appreciate it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Vivek K. Tiwari

11 Years Ago

Being offensive ... not at all ... i do thank you alot for reviewing it ... letting me know about my.. read more



Reviews

its amezing...well writen...i know how it feels....
thak you sooo much for sharing this write...^^

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Vivek K. Tiwari

11 Years Ago

thank you so much dear . It's amazing for me that you liked it ...

~Vivek
Laminators Dubai

11 Years Ago

i just had a breakup...
and Im soo happy! o_O XD
Vivek K. Tiwari

11 Years Ago

Oh ... Then it's for you, I guess
I like the overall theme. But you do have to work on the accuracy. You have made some mistakes that almost changed the meaning of the poem. Please,do not misunderstand me,your poem is good,really good in fact. But you let carelessness stain the pure white linen of sheer genius which you have beautifully penned here. You can read other poems to boost your writing ability. I recommend witers on this site like Lori Carlson,Muse,Sami Khalil and maybe me(lol). You have it in you,but you have not yet reached it. I am impressed though.
To crown it all,you have the talent,but you really need to work on it. How old are you? Please do not take any offence at my review. I am only trying to help improve your art. I hope you appreciate it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Vivek K. Tiwari

11 Years Ago

Being offensive ... not at all ... i do thank you alot for reviewing it ... letting me know about my.. read more
I felt the pain and grief from this piece. Vivek this is really good.
1: You have hold the attention of reader till the end of this poem.
2: You must read more poems here on WC, that will give you more idea where you made mistake - As i don't point out mistake myself.
3: Learn more - check comments on poems. However, this was very simple piece of writing but it arrested my attention till the end of it. You have very sharp thinking, you need some tuning my friend :)
Loved this one - as this was your 1st attempt - I will give you 100/100.
Best thing here on WC is you will get people who will help you more in term of understanding how to write?
Critics, Not good comments - don't lose hope :).. Long way to go my friend :)
Cheers!
Singh :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Vivek K. Tiwari

11 Years Ago

thank you so much ......Singh

you have boosted up my potential a lot ..... couldn't f.. read more

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

234 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 4, 2013
Last Updated on September 8, 2013
Tags: love, teen, break up, feelings, sadness

Author

Vivek K. Tiwari
Vivek K. Tiwari

Kota, Rajasthan, India



About
Trying to being a genuine writer and poet... I love writting them , it's my hobby Hope you like them more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Doodles Doodles

A Poem by Sami Khalil