grey

everything I see with you is now grey
nothing even close to white or black.
You always believed in yes/no.
Everything is one way or the other.
But nothing is any way anymore.
I lost myself trying
Turning grey to something pure
For you
I tried to dull the voices in my head
Shouting that grey is okay. 
you are okay
I molded myself to him
The voices were strong. 
but I am too strong
The pills weren't enough. 
The drugs, the liquor, the cigarettes
Couldn't even hope to contain me
But how could they.
I am powerful and dreadful
I can think of no more honorable way
To lose true love. 
The only black/white thing in my life.
Remaining, nothing but a blur of the two
The voices shout to leave leave leave
My heart shouts please
No more, no more, no more
But my soul...
Our soul betrays me.
Until my soul can be free,
We will stand and fight another day
Together. Bonded. Permanent.
Until that wonderful day 
When all ties cut from you
The light dims
And my soul finds its end.