it was never okay

4/21/16

Sobbing, terrified you held me. I blacked out again. This time, I said horrible things. I apologize over and over and over again hoping to erase the daggers I threw at you.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

It’s okay.

Sobbing and terrified, you tell me it’ll be okay. We can try a new medication. I’ll be here for you. I love you. You’re my everything.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

It’s okay.

Sobbing and terrified, I start detoxing from the medication. My brain flips like my stomach on a sudden drop. Everything is foggy. Everything is confusing.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

It’s okay.

You March past me up to our room and start packing your things. You tell me you don’t want me any more.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me.

It was never okay.