I'm Sorry

A glance inside my mind, at my most upset

I'm sorry, Mom,

I'm sorry, Dad.

You ask me how I feel,

I don’t say anything.

You demand once again,

Yet I keep my mouth shut.

Now I’m weeping over the sink,

Washing dirty dishes, glad to be alone.

(I didn’t ask to be this way, Mom,

I do want to do good, Dad.)

You call me stupid,

But say I’m smart.

You ask for only my best,

But say it’s not enough.

(I want to restart, Mom,

I want to try again, Dad.)

I have stony faces,

I show you when you speak.

I roll my eyes and I bite my tongue,

(I want to be different, Mom,

I want to be good, Dad.)

“Do you want me to cry?”

I want to say, your voices accusing,

I could cry if you really want.

(I try to be different, Mom,

I don’t know how to be good, Dad.)

Self hatred isn’t new to me, you know,

I haven’t loved myself in years.

I don’t want to die,

But I don’t want to be here, either.

(I don’t try to be so bad, Mom,

I didn’t ask to be like this, Dad.)

I’ve cried enough tears, I think,

In front of you to know that I’m not dead,

As outside as I feel on the in.

(I always want to cry, Mom,

I’m sorry if I scare you, Dad.)

Anyone could look at me and say

The future isn’t looking good.

Believe me when I tell you,

That’s one of the only things I know.

(I’m really trying, Mama,

I’m pushing myself, Daddy.)

“It’s these distractions,” you say,

Yes it is, I know it is.

They keep my mind from this pain,

They keep my heart from this hurt.

(I’m sorry I’m wasting your time, Mama,

You should stop trying to fix me, Daddy.)

Then I think, I don’t have a right.

All these people, worse off than me,

They’re struggling, while I’m writing this,

Instead of pushing myself harder.

(I know you’re trying, too, Mama,

I know you just want me to be okay, Daddy.)

You’re words, they burn even deeper than mine,

They bring out all the bad thoughts,

Buried down inside.

(I don’t know why I’m this way, Mama,

Please believe me, Daddy.)

I’m sorry, Mama,

I’m sorry, Daddy.