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A Poem by Abigail Claire

would that I was more tempting than addiction

my eyes are heavy with the dazed weight of long grey days that pour like syrup
into your pale palms that roll sticky words into candies to drop down my throat
and you whisper

this will help,
on the cold nights when you're alone

but those nights I just sit awake and stare through inadequate fingers
at the hole your silence left in the crook of my arm where your head would rest
and be lifted when I shifted to lick the fear from your ears
and close your eyes with chocolate kisses scattered in your pockets and bedsheets
to make you smile when my words fell short,
and shorter they twisted back on themselves until I was left
standing crippled and tongue tied,
while you ran your hands down dangerous curves, and
I could only watch as you crashed through guardrails to tumble head first
into her arms, already bloodied by the wreckage you bring
in the wake of every Cheshire cat grin you flash
from beneath heavy velvet eyelashes and pretty lips
curled around unworthy sentences that will never know how lucky they were
to rest on your tongue, slide between your teeth and over a pout so precious
it could kill when caught unawares
so I duck down behind veils of miles and miles and throw up road blocks
spun from spiderwebs, hoping maybe one will catch you
and cocoon you in silk like a straightjacket
to keep your perforated arms at your sides
while I search for something brighter to feed to you
that will burn through your blood
and break the black threads tangling your head and hands,
and keeping you distant

the distance is threatening to collapse.

© 2012 Abigail Claire

Author's Note

tried breaking up my usual block o' text and adding some punctuation and dramatic line breaks. whatchoo think?

My Review

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Reviews

Anne Martin

Hmm... I just read "Pulling" which was perfect without punctuation. This one, to me, could use some. Without punctuation, I read breathlessly, but here, I would rather read more leisurely, more like a macabre bed-time story. As before, I love your imagery, but I would like to savor it more. If you don't want the punctuation, divide it into separate thoughts with line breaks, like you did at the beginning. Perhaps indent "and shorter...dangerous curves." (I'd drop the "and" at the end of that line.) I would also consider indenting "it could kill when caught unawares". It's like an aside, or even a whisper. I'd also drop the "and" at the beginning of "and keeping you distant".

Don't get me wrong, I love stream of consciousness writing. If you have read any of my Hot tub writings, you'll notice that I have a penchant for a lack of punctuation. Sometimes, however, a more measured approach gets the point across better.