pulling

the grace in falling

there's an echo to the words in your mouth as you spit them into the
palm of my hand they bounce and slip through my fingers slick and hot
from the urgent press of tongues trapped tying broken ribbons and
threading needles infinitely breaking as we continually stitch rips
coming apart at our seams as they pop everytime we twist grope gasp and
shout praying thread is the only thing snapping between that
jungle-dazed look we share matted with heat and wild perfume clinging to
skin damp pressed and steamed into skin patterned with dark swirls of
hair plastered to my face and stuck to your chest that peels away as I
raise my head to level green eyed glassy stares turned squint as the
moon glints steel-hard and silver against the angle of your eyes and
floods you luminescent until your skin looks hot and tight with the
light.

Author's Note

as always- thoughts on needing linebreaks/punctuation appreciated

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

I like this! Punctuation and line breaks are over-rated in this kind of writing. I'd leave them as is, but I might try to make the sentences less defined. e.g. I might change "they bounce and slip ..." to "bouncing and slipping through my fingers slick and hot ..." That implies a comma, but elides the sentences seamlessly. That's the only obvious seam.

I'd dump the period at the end, too.

Otherwise, I love it. I'd like to fall that way.