leave the ending

that moment you realize you left the only place you'll ever call home

turning over under blondes with blinding teeth and broken threads on
rusted bearings rolled under dirty couches destined for dirt roads and
portland rain like ink that pours thicker than blood on countless
bridges lit by cherries and neon like love glowing through my eyelids
when I close them to watch you sleep sweat mutter dying words that flame
out drowned in the thrum of stand alone fans on burnt and stained
carpet over which bare feet twirl spun, pounded run towards and away
back and forth it's so hard to decide what or whether we should catch
and release or just grab tight and hold on for dear death we could never
breathe deeper than when we're blowing smoke up and at the lusty eyes
of ubiquitous lovers just as lost and grasping for another moment
twisted up in the mouth of a girl coloured all turquoise but falling
fast toward androgynous tattooed arms that wrap me in black sheets under
waterfalls of dirtbag dreams and wistful sighs half covered by sleep
and the brush of painted nails on glass that sounds like the shrieking
sound of waiting for someone who will never wait back, hold back or let
in the things that grow in the crack between wall and bed, tucked under
your sheets under your pillowed head I could never sleep when you were
breathing softly through that moment when eyes meet and tongues burn in
silence caged in the hollow bones taking flight under fingertips I'd
like to taste to find out if they are sugar spun like your wings look
lined with christmas lights and blue-glow tacky trash classy cat eyes
glinting sideways winding backwards over the cold concrete and winter
sun of 'weren't we here just recently' and the smack-crack of wheels on
pavement rattles reassuringly in my back teeth to scream why weren't you
looking properly how could you have missed that now it's all blown out
white on white on over exposed aperture for underexposed skin glow to
blow out translucent woven with blue veins and soft eyelashes that never
belong at least not to me and so I say that possession is for the
presumptuous and run away not belonging but wanting to melt into this
sunshine to spend every second kissing the skin of beautiful bodies
slick with the heat of breaking over and over to mend stronger or throw
out continually but always tumbled down to rest in the bottom of the
bowl and crawl back out grasping coping and tossing out these words that
mean nothing but crucial because they bind you and us and them the glue
that we use to identify that yes, you speak it, you must know and in
the knowing there is camaraderie of common passion even if it's
vicarious and so viciously I reach with teeth to grind and grab for nose
to tail rushing through, just passing through, we were never here to
stay or take up residence, this permanence is the death of us and in our
dying breath we spit keep running and never look down NEVER LOOK BACK
we burn and burn through oxygen through alcohol through music never loud
enough through bridges not resistant enough to weather what our
bloodied hearts can cook up in the summer heat you turn to dust and blow
away and there's no amount of kisses to bring this under thumbs so
green and carnivorous the city breathes with cluttered lungs painted and
tagged completely scoped out, scooped out like the divot I would keep
secrets in cupped in your collarbone if you wouldn't spill them out and
spill them all, make a mess no one wants to see or clean so pack up,
pack everything away I'll put you in a separate box and stacked against
the wall with other cardboard cut outs I can yearn for, throw knives
through when I need to and feed to you all the things I hate I hate I
hate remembering dark rooms warm and found, lit with ghost music
outerspace starlight you say if I was ..... but you're not and I'm not
what you want what you said I needed  to disagree but that's not what it
is, it's this space forever that's stuck between organs vital to the
survival of this dead language no one spoke to nobody in dark days of
nothing for always and after it will be alright, it will all be right
when you're gone and I'm upside down again I hope this rain is staying
to keep me clean and cold and wash the smudge of years away off of me,
like new or maybe just like old again assuming everything crossed can be
undone and the things I did were never starcrossed but I had hoped for a
teacup of california to take with me and hold inside against ice and
freezing seawater to wash down all this hope with bites of dust.

Author's Note

Do I need punctuation and/or line breaks? What parts are too vague? Awkward phrases? Favorite lines? Least favorite lines?

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

S**t! I'm on my knees in genuflection. This is an alliterative orgasm. It's perfect as is - well - I'd hyphenate "stand-alone," and there are a couple of places where you double-space. Concerning your notes, in places, it glories in awkwardness, and that is part of its beauty. ... but you're not and I'm not what you want what you said I needed to disagree but that's not what it is, it's this space ...

Pick a favorite line? It is only one sentence, so I will pick it all. That's my prerogative.

I don't give 100's often. (This might be the first in several years.) You earned it!