An Ocean Dream...

Jumped off a cliff,

To the azure ocean beneath,

Cut the water to the floor,

All in all a perfect score,

 

Bed of sand, weeds sway in symphony,

Coloured pebbles smothered in moss,

Oyster shells and floating algae,

That so mysteriously felt free,

 

And I was running out of breath,

While that fish swam in glee,

 

All the air bubbled out of my lungs

Like a glass of sparkling cider,

 

I seemed to drift and give away,

An over consuming calmness beckoned me,

Suddenly, I realised this is just the place to be...

Reviews

[.]

. very well presented, abhas ... and extremely vivid and lyrical ... flows beautifully ... the ocean bed truly seems like the most perfect place to be in ... after reading this ... and i love "over consuming calmness" ... thou art making great strides with creating new expressions ... and boy are they poetic ... beautiful ... i love how you're evolving as a poet ... good job with brevity too ... :) ...

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A interesting piece. Your structure and use of colour is very clever and almost as captivating as your wording and imagery. Your use of rhyme and sound also make it a pleasure to read aloud.

[OT]

ah I love how you've used the colours in this, very clever!! paints a stronger picture in my mind's eye! you also have a little subtle rhyme going on here and there which helps it flow so smoothly - "floor/score" - "free/glee" - a great write!!