Dont Leave

My love only come to New Jersey for the summer, Hes leaving in a week, Next summer, Hes going to Israel, I'll never see him again.

Its difficult to rhyme,

And its defenitely noy easy to write a poem,

I need to express my feelings,

So I'll be straightfoward,

He's leaving,

Forever,

And never coming back,

Just a week left,

To enjoy,

Here comes the tears,

It's too early to say goodbye,

I just started to fall in love with you,

I miss you already,

You'll be busy,

With your senior year,

And I'll be counting each tear,

Don't go,

Don't meet a prettier girl,

Don't tell her me and you were all pretend,

Don't tell her I'm just your best friend,

I'm not,

Best Friends dont kiss,

Your all I miss,

And Your not even gone.

I think these three weeks,

I was just here for your entertainment,

Taking advantage of a minor,

Shame on you,

I love you.

Author's Note

Advice?

Reviews

[Sports Girl]

There are a few errors. But this is sad and I'm not really sure how to help.

[Jersey]

My suggestion find some way to break up the first part of the poem so that it starts with the line "He's leaving," for this site in particular you could use it as a summary quote to get people interested in reading it. I really liked reading it, the emotion is very strong and pushes through quite well. As far as anything else that could and has been said I can't say anything because it is not my place to say.

[Norma M Sutton]

Advice on the poem or the situation? The poem captures your mood and emotions well. The situation . . . think, remember and learn from this situation and put one foot in front of the other. Take each tiny step at a time.

I really like this poem's energy, but i really think the beginning of the poem takes away from the seriousness of the work. I really feel as though the real energy of the poem begins at "He's leaving forever, and never coming back." that statement for me, was the perfect opening line for your poem. The beginning makes the poem sound too fun and whimsical, and doesn't allow the reader to take the subject matter seriously or delve into the tragic nature of your message.

I absolutely love the following lines:

Don't go,
Don't meet a prettier girl,
Don't tell her me and you were all pretend,
Don't tell her I'm just your best friend,
I'm not,
Best Friends dont kiss,

This was a very tense and emotional part, and it was very well written. The repetition of "don't go" builds tension very well, and lets the reader feel your pain. The rhyme after this section however, does not work for the same reasons as the opening of your poem doesn't work: it's too fun sounding and whimsical.Try to play with this and see what you can come up with. This is a very great poem in the making. I can't wait for you to really dig into this one and see what you can come up with. I hope this helped. Looking forward to reading this again! thanks

[Needy]

Love the type of writing. Love your words they are strong. Loved it overall

[KaySea]

impressive

[meredith29]

Lots of emotion in this and you express the felings of heartbreak and loss really well. I especially like the line "I was just here for your entertainment."
We've all felt like that at times I think.

[Maurice]

Very emotion-filled poem, telling a sad story. You expressed it very well.

[vincentbals]

deep poem... nicely written. good job.

[Jonathan De Elvira]

Well, it is sad...You can experiment with some major words to add the depth..
but it's okay, I got the message...
I like the line "Don't go,
Don't meet a prettier girl,"

she seems desperate yet so honest showing her emotion,
I like it..:)