Christmas Cookies with Marge and Phyllis

If you've been recently dumped or just don't like the summer -- this poem is for you.

Christmas Cookies with Marge and Phyllis

“He won’t be able to taste

the fingernail shards beat in.

He will think them almond slivers

by gully, or a precocious pecan.”

 

“Christmas, is the perfect time,

don’t cha know, with the New Years

just around the bend,

for giving back to all those

 

who have caused you trauma

throughout the past year, eh?”

En does it work?

“Oh ya! As the crow flies,Phyllis.”

 

“Ya can plow their lil’ hearts

like dried peach pits

en  Martha Stewart them

 right into the great beyond.”

 

“Now, pepper and Granny’s Molasses

mask the arsenic �"en that’s for good measure.”

Tastes jus like almonds �" I tell ya.

“En the chicken blood

 

adds a real vibrant color

to the cookie men-

Picks up the crimson

in the red hot button eyes.”

 

Oh ya, you betcha �" very festive.

“En if the weather’s too fierce out .”

Bad weather en too many stop en go lights �"

“En ya kint get to the Wobbledy Hog

 

Jus ask a friend or a neighbor-

Say, eh, barrow me a cup

of sugar would ya?

Cause yur gonna  needalolta  sweet.”

 

“Phyllis,light  up that candle,

that  Frosty Wonderland

one in the pot, be a dear

and make it feel like the holidays in here.”

 

“En ladies, this is key, a drop-

just a drop, now- we are

using  Essence of Pete

but  any fluid from the wronger will serve.”

 

“So, then ya mix it all together, like so-

this’ill add a moment of repentance

Before they, well…”

Then ya bake at 325 till golden brown.

 

“While they’re in the oven

 That’s when ya start your chant

to Erzulie Freda en make yer offerings.

Then ya put em on a cooling wrack

 

if ya have one, again, you kin barrow.”

It helps them hold there shape,eh.

“Truth  in that Phyllis �" no need ta

be  messy about it.”

 

“So- this is when we write

the name of the wronger

-          I’ll use justabout anything

but Phyllis here prefers a toothpick .”

 

I do, I do prefer a toothpick.

“Then, when they rrr all cooled,

we have some lovely cellophane

sacks we picked up at the Family Dollar.

 

Oh, look, are those Teddy’s-

“Asphyxiation is a seasonal perk!”

Holidays are such a special time.

“If ya have some wiggly string

 

that works real good.

Tie it up, use the clippers

ta make it curly.”

En there you go-

 

Now ya got yourself a gift

that jus  keeps on giving.

“Oh- you betcha- they’ll be no

mistle toe kisses for these

fellows,  I tell ya.”