The Sound of Your Dreams

And I wish you were here, here alone with me,

Here in my home in your viaduct of dreams.

And I wish I was real, as real as can be,

Instead of a thought buried in your memory.

 

Pull me from your dreams, girl, and make me feel real,

Hold me, adore me, and spare me a smile;

Let's play some Pink Floyd and get in the feel,

With love as our drug and our mouths as the seal.

 

When night starts to slow down we'll stop all the songs;

We'll stop all the music, 'ere comes the dawn.

But I'll be the note that will always belong,

As the sound of your dreams, as you hum along.

Reviews

[Dane Osborne]

Abdul, as per usual i am impressed. I have always liked how you take the formal rules of poetic form but apply them in a modern way. You've done that excellently. I know you read alot of the romantic poets like keats or shelley. I've been reading them myself here lately. I have noticed that a alot of people will use the poetic form as a means of imitating them and it often doesn't work. You, on the other hand extend from those influences rather than imitate and that makes the difference.

Now as far as the poem itself it has an enchanting flow and the imagery has an ethereal quality in how it presented and that keeps the reader sucked into it.

100/100

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

1. With love as our drug and our mouths as the seal

You truly know how to conjure a scene. It's like Shelley meets the modern day here. Quite entertaining yet still beautiful and marvelous in its own right.

[Prey]

Loved the mention of pink floyd there... dude! I am so sorry in our college they can't appericiate your talent.. you have got the best hand at poetry I have seen ever! Bravo!

[Dinesh Sairam]

You know that I've never loved complex words for creating an image (Because for me, everyone thinks in simple terms and language, and using the same in poetry keeps it sane). Perhaps you may think in a complex language (And it's been quite regular in your works). But I don't really recommend it.

The second stanza was bit of a kicker. It went from being romantic to more lyrical. As much as I appreciate the modern usage, it could've been more like the first and second (Anyhow, what kind of lovers listen to PF to get in the mood? :P). The "ere" usage in the third seemed out of place. Also, since all other rhymes are perfect, the 'dawn' slant rhyme could be repaired, but not necessarily.

Negatives out, we'll call in the positives. First thing I noticed, and I've been wanting recently to try the rhyme scheme myself, axaa (I just tried aaba....dddd). So kudos for that.

The first stanza was a pang of expression and all the more, it's quite simple in language. Like I said, the second stanza isn't perfect, but I love the "mouths as the seal" phrase. The last stanza has got the perfect touch of your genuine style. The kind of melancholy feeling- happy and sad both at the same time.

So all in all, very well done. I'm glad you still find time for poetry between hours of watching body parts :P :P

Keep writing.