Dreaming in Japan

Written for Devons' Picture This group (Image 3 contest)

In the not too distant future, humanity depends on machines for dreaming. An ancient time traveler who visits the future states his experience in four haikus.

These were discovered written on a parchment buried somewhere. The original, in Japanese, is now not to be found, and is believed to have been lost in translation.

Binary dreaming

Silhouettes of broken words

Formed by noughts and ones

 

Humans in corner

Frozen in back drop of black -

Dream disconnected

 

Duplex code crisis

Insert discarded dreams here -

Dream machine breakdown

 

Instructions galore

New glowing green alphabets -

Lost in translation

Reviews

[Devons]

Each line reads like an individual 'sound-byte' which produces an image of what is going on in this science-fictional world the poem creates. To read the poem as an inter-connecting whole produces an abstract effect of chaos which -although less comprehensible- has a similar overall effect. In terms of this abstract form, I think the poem could exist independently from the introduction and therefore obviate it. However, the background that is set-up by this introduction is an interesting concept in itself and has a very topical bearing on the culture of the world today; almost like a warning. Regarding the introduction though, I think the words 'lost in translation' are diluted somewhat since they are repeated in the poem. The snatches of imagery are the crux of this work, though, and many lines have the power of titles in themselves; "binary dreaming", "formed by noughts and ones", "dream disconnected", "dream machine breakdown", "instructions galore", "new glowing green alphabets" - all have significant impact on the imagination, conjuring a futuristic complexity which relates directly to the technological highway human beings seem to be on. In fact, the entire piece reads like some kind of computer print-out for a trouble-shooting program, where the system has malfunctioned. Between the lines, the dark undertones of the effects this would have on the world are perceptible. Interesting work.

[deeps]

I enjoyed this write.

[Adelia Alighieri]

What's interesting is to read how the same picture creates different stories in different minds.
This is really good.

[alan peter kelly]

alliteration and simile in concept haiku! Fantastic stuff Abdul :) yes...its not as though we have a choice...we will one day be completely redundant...

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

these are incredible!!! i have always loved "stacked" haiku to begin with, and these are particularly well done. very "space ninja" *wink* reminded me of say.. philip k dick.. the first i think is my favourite

[Dinesh Sairam]

The first haiku is the best. It's a grand imagery -- Dream characters formed by naughts and ones! Yea, I'll have to agree with Alana. The last one did remind me of Matrix :D I'll have to quote this :

"Duplex code crisis
Insert discarded dreams here -
Dream machine breakdown"

This is kinda the 'nexus' of the image you've posted (I suppose that's the one for the competition). But this third haiku perfectly explains the 'machine dream' trance. Very good.

What I'd like to suggest it, well I was wondering if Haikus would go well with meter. And this whole 'machine' concept is perfect for using meter in haiku. I don't have any idea though, it might go awkward. (Try trochaic. Ofcourse, the second line would have to end with a stressed syllable then. Just a suggestion.)

But, I gotta say, I find this a little uncomfortable. Though haikus are supposed to convey many a meaning in short words, I feel haikus are supposed to have the feel of 'Japanese poetry'. I just don't get that feel here. Otherwise, this is great. I see you winning the competition already :D :)

Keep writing.

[TAO]

...You make me to realize, over and over, how much I want to go to Japan. I think, at times, I must have been a samurai, serving under the same Daimyo Miyamoto Musashi served under, in a past life (a man can dream, right?).

What's disheartening about my beautiful Japan is...her future... This makes me think of what could be lost... The heart, the dreams, the culture, lost to the machines.... Beautifully written piece, sir. I'm keeping this.

[Cassiopia Summers]

I think it was well written, and I enjoyed the poem because I like the weird things like stargate and what not. Great write.

[~~~~~]

This is seriously impressive. It's ironic, right now I am studying Lovecraft's poetry which is considered to be in the Sci-Fi genre. Your Haikus are great but the first one I like most, "binary dreaming" and "noughts and ones". Love the terminology. Heck I like them all. Unique word choices and the concept is refreshingly different. The series of Haiku tells a story. Have we really traded our reverie for technology? A heavy price for luxury.