One more evening

Or, The Autumn of Life

When golden days have changed to brown,

And months have worn old autumn's cloak;

When years have strolled through grassy hearts,

What memories do they evoke?

 

When evening dawns on lawns of life,

The sun entangled in their leaves;

When days are long like empty songs;

Will you then hum these tunes we weave?

 

When manes are grayed by winds of change

And youthful laughter starts to cease;

When thoughts are hindered by the past,

Will time corrode the bonds of peace?

 

We painted rhapsodies of dreams

Like murals on the walls of time.

Will autumn spare these tapestries

And let our words forever rhyme?

 

We do not know what autumn brings;

For one more evening, let us live

And celebrate till time expires, 

And learn to cherish and forgive.  

 

Author's Note

Iambic tetrameter. My favorite foot and meter :)

Reviews

[Dinesh Sairam]

"When days are long like empty songs;
Will you then hum these tunes we weave?"

Abruptly made me feel woebegone :(

"We painted rhapsodies of dreams
Like murals on the walls of time."

Once again, Abdul's definition of beauty ;)

"We do not know what autumn brings;
For one more evening, let us live
And celebrate till time expires,
And learn to cherish and forgive"

Somehow I feel this one incomplete.. Maybe because I crave for more from the poem and it ended quickly, can't express it exactly, but nevermind.

Cupid bless you, bro :) Toda para ti? (It's Portuguese for 'What more can I say?'.. I use it often because it spells nice!)

[Alana]

Your opening stanza captured me right away. I loved the use of ‘golden days’ in the first line, and ‘years’ in the third. A double meaning could be used there, the concept of ‘golden years’ instead: a life of memories past to reminisce upon. The image of something golden fading to brown is something heartbreaking, a downfall from vibrant to dull. This is punctuated even more in your use of ‘autumn’s cloak’, it’s the winding down of vivacity.
I loved “When evening dawns on lawns of life”. I think I could write a book about that line alone. The contrast and possibility of a pun is using evening and dawn beside each other, the internal rhyme, the image in general, it’s phenomenal.
“Will time corrode the bonds of peace?” – fantastic, mind-blowing diction choice. This line really just jumped out at me. The theme of ending, of aging, is becoming more and more precise. You add a new level of clarity and detail with each line you write.
“Rhapsodies of dreams” – absolutely lovely.
“We do not know what autumn brings” – this abruptly made me feel sad. Autumn can be so volatile, it’s the in-between of blooming and wilting. Will there be an early winter, or will there be a few more golden days?
Your final lines? Breath-taking, “to cherish and forgive” is a lesson we all need to keep close to our hearts.
This is otherworldly.

[~~~~~]

One thing I have to say is that I admire you and Dinesh because you both share a freedom and versatility with your ideas and verse which shows in your art. I never tire of reading either of you. I learn so much. The rhythm and structure here is seamless. Simplistic words gathered together to paint a graceful canvas of multi-layered imagery. I think of Robert Frost when I read this piece. It possesses the same timeless caliber of craftsmanship. Going in my faves for sure.

[LittleMadGirl]

A good job but the conclusion comes a lil late in my opinion ... it seems a little longish

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

descriptive seasonal allure ~ gorgeous weaving~

[Marie Harrison]

Beautiful poem. What an amazing job you did. I'm saving this one for me!

[Khaaki]

marvelous!!! u amaze me wiid ur thoughts

This is an incredibly well structured and written piece. The voice was strong through out and your imagery was beautiful. I can find no fault in it.

[Desert Dreamer]

Learn to cherish each day, for the Autumn will come when our leaves will fall...you have placed these words together so beautifully, love to read it out loud.

[Fran Marie]

When evening dawns on lawns of life,
The sun entangled in their leaves;
When days are long like empty songs;
Will you then hum these tunes we weave?

Awesome write my friend; I so love the above lines~
such poetic imagery in your verse thru out
Very nicely penned, indeed~ in both form and content!

[Elizabeth]

Ah! The structure and rhyme are perfectly crafted.
Autumn... such a magical time. Things are changing and ultimately dying, but the colors make it seem so hopeful. This is wistful and ethereal but accessible at the same time. Evening dawning on lawns of life... so beautiful, my friend.