Dancing with her

She's bathed by nectar from a bleeding rose,

She's draped by sunshine and morning yellow.

She tastes of honey and smells of musk,

And sounds like violin kissed by cello.

 

She looks like a million dreams of yore;

She walks like a song, pure and free.

Her laughter rings like a songbird's note;

And every word she speaks is poetry.

 

She smiles like the sky in its bluest hour,

Her face is chiseled by God's own hands.  

Her eyes radiate like the sleepy moon;

My heartbeat is in their command.

 

She wears my dreams effortlessly;

She slips into them every night,

To dance her way into my heart,

With uncut love and soothing delight.

 

I do not want to live forever

When I can sway here in her breeze;

And see her slip into my dreams;

And dance to love's serene decrees.

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. this is a fiercely passionate piece that is mesmorizing and lyrical to the max! Loved the rhythm, rhyme and beat.. can well see this played in song! Also a very high tribute to someone of very high praise in your heart! Loved the entire piece the stanza:

She looks like a million dreams of yore;
She walks like a song, pure and free.
Her laughter rings like a songbird's note;
And every word she speaks is poetry.

this is a poem in itself.. lucky woman to have such admiration on so many levels! Beautiful and intoxicating.. fantastic work that goes to my favs!

[Lucy Joan]

So I'll do my best to give my most thorough review ;) The first stanza was a great start-off. You eminently applied the senses (sense of sight, taste, smell, and sound) with amiable objects for comparison.

"She's bathed by nectar from a bleeding rose,/She's draped by sunshine and morning yellow./She tastes of honey and smells of musk,/And sounds like violin kissed by cello."

The first line was simply a perfect personification, and the lines that follow created a wonderful imagery of an ethereal woman. It's really not important, just a minor incongruence I noticed; I read it over and over but there was something off about the last line. I could see the rhyme pattern you were setting (cello and yellow) but it sounded a tad bit off for the last line; the tone was much more favorable to "musk", though you don't have to change it. It's a perfect line, but my overthinking mind couldn't help but notice it ^^;

"She looks like a million dreams of yore;/She walks like a song, pure and free./Her laughter rings like a songbird's note;/And every word she speaks is poetry."

This might be my favorite stanza ^^ I absolutely love your comparisons. You choice of words create such a romantic phantasm; it’s like seeing through the lenses of a love-sick man. “And every word she speaks is poetry.” -- awesome line.

"She smiles like the sky in its bluest hour,/ Her face is chiseled by God's own hands./ Her eyes radiate like the sleepy moon;/ My heartbeat is in their command."

Again, awesome choice of words. The imagery is seraphic and the last line is amorous. “My heartbeat is in their command,” As if the play of emotions is dependent on the woman’s every action.

"She wears my dreams effortlessly;/ She slips into them every night,/ To dance her way into my heart,/ With uncut love and soothing delight."

Very romantic. I love the imagery and allure of pure love omnipresent even in his dreams.

"I do not want to live forever/ When I can sway here in her breeze;/ And see her slip into my dreams;/ And dance to love's serene decrees."

Beautiful ending! I can vividly imagine the lover’s caper to a melodious anecdote. Especially the allure. The allure of this ethereal woman to a musing, lovesick man adds to the romance. Overall, very beautiful poem! :D The words are so full of passion and very evocative. Thoughtfully written, good job! ^^

[Rosalind Dee]

beautiful.... vocab is great!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Such passion lies here...........this is simply lovely!

[FlawedByDesign]

Amazingly descriptive and evoking poem! You sir have inspired me in a way to be more descriptive in some of my poems from now. I'm not talking about fancy words, but telling a story within a story with every line I write.
Thank you for that :)

The only critique I will give, is the redundancy of the "she" at the start of the first 3 lines and then later on the poem.
For example the line "She slips into them every night" - could be changed to "Slipping into them every night" which would keep the same syllable count; just a thought.

I'll disagree with a previous review which says that this is "nevertheless an enjoyable write", I think it's more than that :)

Truly wonderfully done except the part I pointed out :)

[Solitary Dreamer]

Awesome write!

[Mauricio Montoya]

I like the choice of words that bring this piece together.
Nice work, great job.

[Poeticpiers]

A good regular rhyme pattern but lacking in meter neerthe less an enjoyable write

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

exraordinary descriptive pulse~ radiant~

[emmajoy]

Such lovely words, full of sweet passion and flowing thoughts.

'She wears my dreams effortlessly;
She slips into them every night. '

Those two lines really sing out. They have that something special that shows where two people are in each other's hearts.

There are a few erratic lines where the meter doesn't quite tuck in well .. maybe read your poem aloud three or four times and try to get a specific rhythm all or most of the way through?

Thank you for asking me to read your poem, it's been a great pleasure.