My Blue Eyed Morning

With wistful eyes the morning wakes,

And shakes the last few tears of dew,

That trickle down and rend our hearts

Apart - an art that ne'er departs

From what is left of me and you.

 

The morning's lined by dreary skies:

Her eyes are drooped by sands of time;

Redundant specks that infiltrate;

That grate, berate and agitate

The clouds that spill forth rain of grime.

 

The morning's pulled by weight of dreams.

Like seams of snow on tired old wings-

The wings of aging butterflies.

They dry and cry and mystify,

To drown the sky and all it brings.

 

The night has slept and morning breaks,

And fakes her last few flakes of dreams;

For what is life for you, my dame?

You name your game and start to blame,

And finally, you start to scream.

 

You lit me up, but you are burning;

You could have been my blue eyed morning.

Author's Note

The extra syllable in the last two lines were necessary, as I wanted "morning" to be the final word. So the last two lines alone have a feminine meter.

Reviews

[Augustus]

Hmmm... I see pain here, and I think this is somewhat darker than your other writes... As usual the imagery and the flow is wonderful...what has always amazed me about your poetry is that it always seems to flow smoothly even if you do not adhere to meter strictly. Coming to the content, I think there are some subtle extended metaphors here...Looking at the way you have used the imagery (comparing dew drops to tears, for eg..), I see a lamentation about things that went wrong which could have been set right with a slight change in perspective. It is like saying that the morning is sad in spite of all the beauty around. The poet is mourning the fact that this metaphorical "morning" is spinning a dark web of imagined misery and getting entangled in it.
There is also a sense of gratitude there, especially in the penultimate line and generally in the usage of the word "morning" as an allusion. And the poem concludes with a thought about what could have been but never came to be...
"You could have been my blue eyed morning"
Lovely line...it is like saying "You and I could both have been happy if only you had ...."
The emotions have been expressed very elegantly, which does not surprise me since I am so familiar with your style! :)
Very well penned!

[Cristal Bridges]

This could be made into a song! Seriously! I can just hear a singer with pain in his voice belting this out with all the breath in his lungs. I think that's really cool! Nice poem.

[Alana]

I... I've lost all my words on how to express how powerfully you write, and yet, the words just keep pouring out of you. You have the most refined talent in diction and imagery that I think I will ever come across. This spoke volumes to me, a journey of greying emotion, backed by bittersweet memories and topped with a wistful 'might have been'. Simply put, your words are art.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love the rhyme scheme. In particular, I love the internal rhymes within line four as it seems to really accentuate the emotions being felt.

The imagery is striking throughout!

I simply love the poem 100% the way it is. I wouldn't change a thing.

100, and it's being shelved in my favorites.

Linda Marie

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on this great winning poem. Well Done!

[deeps]

I really enjoyed this write such a wonderful flow and rhyme scheme
I love the emotionin this.

[FlawedByDesign]

I think I'll keep this review fairly short.
I enjoyed every 4th line in each stanza; that's some great rhyming so kudos to you. To me, the poem is draped in sadness until ending 2 lines. At that moment he seems to come alive, lit up by her (I'd assume a passionate night between them made them ignite). She won't make his morning blue with sadness, but it's almost like he says it in a way he regrets it for her not being his blue eyed morning.

[Bridget Mcmaken]

this is a great poem!

[Awdures]

This is beautifully structured and delicately rhymed. The sadness and loss felt here is intrinsic and I certainly think that the masculine rhyming scheme adds to the sense of morbid loss. I find myself thinking what sadness could have prompted you to write such an ode to loss.

This is the first poem of yours I read and I find myself drawn to the subtlety of your writing yet, the absolute strength of your meaning in words.

Thank you ever so much for sharing this amazing piece with us.