Sunlight Silhouette

Slumbering sunlight clambers through
The window in the morning,
Casting a perfect silhouette of a smiling you
On my half awake eyes.

 

A faint whiff of last night
In the recesses of your eyes
Enthralls me just as I try in vain
To wake up from heaven with you.

 

The caffeinated aroma of a kiss
Dyes the fabric of the day
As the smoke of my dreams recede
Into beautiful nothingness.

 

With a playful smile and
A flick of your hips, you help me
Get through the day, safe in the knowledge
That you'll be there when darkness comes.

Reviews

[Great Aunt Astri]

The certainty that love will be there again is very profoundly expressed. And to have the silhouette there to remind you with a 'flick of the hips' is wonderful. Woman are very clever creatures!

[Tate Morgan]

Now that is very good.Probably the best Ive read of yours . Abdul this one touches a cord i felt it.And that is the key to poetry One must feel it. Bravo
Tate

[Onku Ghosh]

My God ! you are such a talented writer. No words of mine can do justice to your writing. Keep up the good work and God bless

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Abdul,

Again, this is a wonderful write. It is so light and so attune to the realities of existence, the little hints here and there of what is important, and what affects the mind and life. The last stanza is just fantastic. You know life, My Friend. This is a wonderful encapsulation of what it means to be in love with a woman. It is the so simple things that brighten your heart, a flick of the hips, a smile, the knowledge she'll be there when you get home. I have not seen a better summary in such concise wording.

Very high marks. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[Abdul Aziz]

Thank you for the review, Rick. I'm glad you agree with the basic concept of my poem. Beauty lies in the details, in the simple things. And these are what make one yearn for love.

[Aethereal]

This is a delightful description of that early morning touch of love. I was inspired to write another rhyming version of your first verse which you may have as a gift. She must be moving in front of your window casting a series of silhouettes before you gain full vision. This is within meter and with perfect rhymes.

Morning sunlight clambers through
nearly opened eyes
casting silhouettes of you
where the window lies.

[Abdul Aziz]

Thank you for the review and the quick metric paraphrasing of the opening lines. I quite enjoyed that!

[Aethereal]

Thanks! Perhaps I'll do more of the same in the future. Any paraphrasing that I do belongs to you as your property since it's already close to what you have already stated. I write them to show my idea of an alternate way of expressing the same thing. It's much better for me to do what I have in mind than to tell you without an example.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Bravo, man. And I see you've abandoned rhymes. That's right, come join the dark side. We have cookies. Just one suggestion: Replace "nothingness" with "nothings" (Just so it goes along with the phrase "Sweet nothings").

And as always, I'd ask you to go light on the diction. You will probably ignore me in heavy-worded comment, but I have to do it every time, have a little faith.

I especially love the enjambment here, "you help me Get through the day". This poem is proof that an obviously cliched subject matter can be made good with the right diction and images. Kudos.

Keep writing.

[Abdul Aziz]

Lol, I haven't abandoned rhymes. I've been freewheeling occasionally for a long time! Thanks for the review.

[Rick Puetter]

Good for you. Don't abandon rhymes. Yes, they can be put away at times. But there are times that they need to come out again. No hard and fast rules, here. There is only what is tasteful and appropriate, and that changes with the situation.

[Rick Puetter]

But, Dinesh, My Friend, I understand your point of view as well, and I know you aren't a one-sided person and hold with moderation and consideration in all things. So yes, writing without rhyme is often appropriate, as it is here. And I would certainly not say that this is is "joining the dark side". But rhyme has its place as well. And I know you understand this. Wonderful conversation, all.

Best regards,

Rick

[Dinesh Sairam]

I was merely joking. I know rhyme has its rightful place in poetry. I just don't want to keep on rhyming without knowing why or how. Maybe if I fall upon better techniques of poetry, I might start using rhymes again.

I've written an article to this effect. Take a look at it when you have time: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/DineshThePoet/1164126/