The Eloquence of Youth

With the rabble rousing over
And the footstep dusting done,
The gusty wind blows over
All the innocence and fun
Of all our sprightly days
Beneath the shadow of the sun.

 

The songs of youth have faded
As they must have done sometime;
Their eloquence pervaded
All the things I did, and I'm
Sure the rhythm's mutated
But the tone is still sublime.

 

The riot's running ragged
And I'm feeling all exhausted
While my work has held at ransom
All the time that life accosted;
Weary though at present,
It was great while it lasted.

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

very nicely done, and oh, 'tis true, 'tis true...

[An owl on the moon]

What an intricate, elegant glimpse into time, into life's seasons passing from spring to winter. You make a poem transform into a full story of letting go, releasing the past to fall so fast into the weary world to come. Powerful.

[Abdul Aziz]

Thank you very much for understanding what the poem is about, Craig! Growing up pains - we could all do without them.

[Dinesh Sairam]

For me the downsides were the predictable rhymes and the last stanza. But I loved the enjambment in the first and second stanzas. Now that I think of it, you've hardly enjambed your poems. If you plan to keep doing this, then by all means, do.

I see that you have monitored the rhythm properly. I understand how hard it must be to do that after such a long break. Kudos for that. But I myself have stopped making rhythm so tight (At least for the last few poems). I now give more space for words and imagery and keep rhythm at least. That is, if I need to mess up the rhythm to have a word that fits in perfectly with the poem, I'll do it. I'm not sure if it's right, but you should consider that.

Great to see you back. Keep writing.

[Abdul Aziz]

Predictable rhymes? I'm surprised. And when non predictable, I guess the stanza appears forced. Could you be more specific? Let's see. Your points about the rhythm and texture are valid, but writing styles differ. Poems with understated emotion deserve "space", as you've called it. But when you're describing rambunctious times, I'd rather prefer the poem to be jaunty

[Dinesh Sairam]

I was referring to the first stanza when I said that. When you use rich diction in the other stanzas and use "done, fun, sun" is the first, it stands out somewhat. Nothing strenuous though.