1. Road Trip

Chrissy and her daughter Emily decide to take a road trip on Chrissy's motorcycle.

“Isn't it pretty?” asked Emily as she admired the horse that was tied to the hitching post in front of the general store. The horse was harnessed to a plain, black buggy. “Can I pet it?”

“I don't know,” replied Chrissy as she eyed the animal suspiciously, “I don't trust these things.” She looked at a man standing nearby. He had a long beard and was wearing a wide brimmed straw hat and drab clothing typical of the Amish. “That your horse?” she asked him. He nodded. “Can she pet it?”

The man looked at Emily and smiled. “Yes, child, you may pet her,” he answered, “She's very gentle. But your mama is right. You should never pet a horse without asking first. Horses are just like people. Some are nice and others are downright mean.”

Emily reached up and gently stroked the horse's muzzle. She grinned as it gave a soft nicker in response. “You want to pet her, too, Chrissy?”

“That's okay, I'll pass,” Chrissy answered, giving the beast a leery look, “Come on, let's go inside.”

They both stopped just inside the entrance and looked around at the layout of the place. Located in the middle of an Amish community, it was more of a tourist attraction than a general store. It contained an eclectic mix of antiques, hand-made Amish food and crafts, and cheap nick-knacks made in China.

“Let's not take too long,” said Chrissy as she started perusing the merchandise, “I want to get home before dark.”

People often mistook the two for a young woman and her kid sister rather than a mother and daughter. Chrissy didn't look like a typical mother. Short of stature and slim of build, she appeared younger than her twenty-eight years. She wore tight fitting black jeans, black work boots and a white, wife-beater tank top. Her arms and shoulders were covered with tattoos and her short, black hair was often uncombed. Her dark eye shadow served to enhance her already intense blue eyes and her lips were painted a dark burgundy. The dour look on her face matched her usual disposition.

Emily was the rare eleven-year-old who thought that her mother was the coolest person in the world and she emulated her whenever she could. She, too, wore black jeans and a white tank top. Instead of boots she wore black Converse high-top tennis shoes. She sported short, unruly hair like her mother's and would have had it dyed black to match if Chrissy hadn't talked her out of it. “I'm flattered that you want to look like me, Squirt,” Chrissy had told her, “But you should be proud of your hair. I know women who would give their eye teeth to have pretty blonde hair like yours.”

Chrissy's phone chirped telling her that she had a text message. “It's from Ian,” she said as she pulled her phone out and looked at it.

“What did he say?” asked Emily.

“He went to the Louvre today,” she replied.

“What's that?”

“It's an art museum in Paris. It's where the Mona Lisa is.”

“Oh.... sounds boring,” Emily responded with a shrug.

“Well, I'm sure he's excited about it,” Chrissy replied, “He says to tell you good-night.”

“He's going to bed already?”

“It's late at night in Paris.”

“Oh... yeah.”

Chrissy's husband was an artist in his spare time. Some of his artist friends had decided to take a trip to Europe to visit some of the more famous art museums together. Then one of them had to cancel at the last minute due to a family crisis and offered her tickets to Ian at half price. Chrissy told him, “Go! It's the chance of a lifetime.”

So, while Ian was gallivanting around Europe, she decided that she and Emily would take a little road trip on Chrissy's motorcycle for a few days for some mother/daughter bonding.

Chrissy often felt a little awkward as a mother. Mothering didn't come naturally to her and she had always believed that she would never have any kids. Then Emily showed up in her life. Emily's real parents had been killed in a car accident when she was six. With no other family to take her in she had been bounced from foster home to foster home for the next three years until she moved into the apartment complex where Chrissy and Ian lived. Chrissy didn't like kids, but the little girl somehow managed to worm her way into the taciturn woman's heart. Before she knew it Chrissy had talked Ian into fostering Emily and within a year they formally adopted her.

They began wandering around the store and perusing the merchandise. Emily turned to Chrissy and asked in a hushed voice, “Do all Amish men have beards?”

“All the married ones do,” she answered, “If they're clean shaven that means they're single.”

“Oh,” replied Emily with a nod.

“I don't know a lot about the Amish,” Chrissy continued, “I know they don't use electricity or running water and they don't drive cars. But they make the best food! My mom and I used to come out this way when I was a kid and we would load up on Amish bread and pies and jam and stuff. It's too bad we don't have the car. I'm afraid we can't fit much food on the motorcycle.”

“Oh, that's not a problem,” said a pretty young store clerk standing nearby, “We can ship all of your purchases home for you for only a few dollars more.”

Chrissy furrowed her brow at her. “Really?!”

The clerk smiled and nodded.

“Hot damn!” she said as she grabbed a shopping basket from a nearby stack and headed for the food section. The first thing she picked up was a jar of Amish salsa. “Amish salsa?!” she muttered to herself, “That should be interesting.” She dropped a jar of 'mild' into the basket for Ian and Emily and a jar of 'hot' for herself. Then she moved to the jams and jellies. After making a few selections there she headed to the cheese table.

Emily had wandered off to look at items of more interest to an eleven-year-old. She soon returned carrying a hand-made rag doll and held it up for Chrissy to see. It was faceless and dressed like a little Amish girl. “Can I get this?” she asked.

Chrissy gave her a discerning look. “Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?” she asked.

“It's not to play with!” responded Emily in a slightly admonishing tone, “It's for a souvenir. To remind me of our trip together.”

“I know, Kid,” Chrissy replied with a smirk, “I was just yanking your chain.” She held the basket out. “Drop it in there.”

Emily set the doll in the basket and gave Chrissy a playful slap on the arm before wandering off again.

After Chrissy had filled the basket she found Emily and told her, “I'm going to pay for this stuff and then we'll go. You should hit the bathroom one more time before we leave.”

“Okay.”

As the clerk was ringing up her purchases, Chrissy reached for a couple of energy bars from a nearby display and set them on the counter, too. She grabbed the rag doll and set it aside with the energy bars. “I'll take these things with me,” she told the clerk, “You can ship the rest of this stuff to this address.” She filled out a shipping form.

When she was done paying for everything she went outside and looked for Emily. The child was nowhere to be seen. She went back inside and searched the store with no luck. She went outside again and called, “Emily!” Still no sign of her. Chrissy was beginning to get worried when she finally saw her daughter walk up to her from the side of the store.

“Where were you?!” Chrissy asked sternly.

“I was looking for you,” she answered.

“Well... let's get going.” They walked over to Chrissy's Yamaha 250 and Chrissy put the energy bars and the rag doll into the small overnight bag they had strapped to the back. “This road is pretty scenic. We'll stay on it for awhile,” she said.

As they started donning their matching navy-blue hoodies and their helmets, two men came out of a large, barn-like building next door. They looked around and then one of them pointed at Chrissy and Emily.

“There,” he said. The other one took a step toward them but the first man put his hand on his shoulder and stopped him. “Not here,” he said, “Get the license number. I'll go get the car.”

Unaware that they were being watched, Chrissy and Emily climbed onto the motorcycle and Chrissy started the motor. Then she pulled out onto the road and drove off.

Author's Note

Suggestions and constructive criticisms are always welcome.

Reviews

[Meat of Dog]

I like the description in this piece. It is good and has nice imagery but to the point and there are very few grammatical errors to be found (good combing). I read a LOT of work here on WC and I have to say this is very professionally written. It suggests many drafts and much time spent. There’s a lot of exposition in this chapter but it doesn’t feel like an expo dump, in that it reads neatly and smoothly. I also learned a few things I didn’t know about the Amish! I got a good feeling for Chrissy as she was described; a wayward woman in the area of parenting, who ended up with an attached to a child. Also, I could see how they were more like close sibling. I think you did well to get what you were aiming at in your characters and description.

The end was a good cliff hanger! I want to know why those guys wanted her license number/ what happened! What did Emily do when she was ‘looking’ for Chrissy? You raised some good questions here. I look forward to reading the next chapter.


Suggestions:


“Really?!” This is a misconception in the writing world. I always point it out because it’s actually a pet peeve of mine, heh. This is technically grammatically incorrect to double punctuate. It’s either one or the other. The context around it adds the emphasis you desire. Also here: “Where were you?!”

“stay on it for awhile” A while.

[Craig2591]

Thank you for the review and suggestions. You're right about one thing, I read and re-read my posts several times before uploading them. I'm a little anal about that. Sometimes I make several corrections after I've uploaded, too.

You obviously know a few things about proper writing, so your compliments mean a lot to me. I didn't know that about double punctuation.

Thanks again. I hope you find time to read the next chapter. Please send me a link of something you have written and I'll return the favor.

[Meat of Dog]

Yeah, I have just been writing, reading, and reviewing work a really long time (most of my life) so I have quite a bit of experience. I also listen to a lot of television reviewing on Youtube to help me make decisions/ address things that are important (like plot, continuity, etc.). I will follow the book/ read it all the way through. I tend to enjoy reading full books on here most.

If you could that would be awesome! Whenever you find the time. Here's the prologue to the book I have posted right now: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Dogmeattodd/1397041/

[SpiceCookie]

I really like the descriptions in this chapter! It's a really good cliff hanger that really made me want to read more! Keep writing! :)

[Craig2591]

Thank you.

[Megan Simpson]

I really like your descriptions of the characters. I got a very clear image of the scene and the people in my head.

Emily is interesting to me. She seems wise beyond her years.

Looking forward to reading more soon :)

[Craig2591]

Thanks for the review.

[Cody Williams]

A great opening chapter! I can't wait for more! Thanks for sharing!

-CW

[Craig2591]

Thank you for reading.

[Tina Kline]

Great first chapter. Can't help but wonder what it was those two guys are interested in with Chrissy and Emily. Nice mystery already developing. Glad to see another story about Chrissy, Emily and hopefully Ian will get involved at some point!!~

[Barbara Walker]

Your characterization and setting are great! Your dialogue is realistic, as always. You pull the reader in and I want more!

[Craig2591]

Thank you, Barb.

[Nienor Niniel]

Excellent opening chapter. It re-introduces characters and sets the stage for further action and the main plot. I can't wait for the new adventure!

[Craig2591]

Thank you. I tried to write it as if the reader doesn't know the characters yet. I also tried to touch on Chrissy's self doubts as a mother and also her serious but sometimes playful relationship with Emily.