21. A Contest of Nerves

21. A Contest of Nerves

A Chapter by Craig2591
"

Chrissy prepares to meet with her daughter's kidnapper.

"

Chrissy turned off the road and onto the factory grounds. The driveway passed between two buildings. Jonathon and Stefanie rode in the back of her car while Becka parked the other car on the street. The main building was to their left, toward the east. It was three stories high and contained mostly offices. The building on the right was slightly smaller. Jonathon, Stefanie and Becka were all wearing headsets. She stopped the car at the spot where Jonathon had told her to let him and Stefanie out. As luck would have it, there was a dumpster there, offering them extra cover.


“Walk as slowly as you can without arousing suspicion,” Jonathon instructed Chrissy before he got out, “Try to give Stef and me as much time as possible to find the other Branković.” They quickly slipped out of the car and crept behind the dumpster with their guns out. Chrissy continued to drive to the back of the factory.


She stopped the car when she reached the edge of the asphalt parking lot. She sat in the car for several seconds, stalling for time, then opened the door and got out. She saw the younger Branković standing in the middle of the parking lot with Emily just as she had instructed. They were about fifty yards away. As soon as she got out of the car, he raised his gun to Emily's head. Chrissy took a deep breath and steeled herself. It was going to be tough to put on a calm appearance, but she had to it. She had to give the appearance that she was calm and controlled. She concentrated on keeping her hands from shaking.


She took a final look around the grounds before she proceeded. There were some smaller outbuildings along with the two larger ones. The wall of the main building that faced the parking lot was made of windows. She saw no signs of a trap. She saw no signs of 'Papa' Branković. She held Becka's gun in her hand so that it was plainly visible, took another deep breath,


and started walking...



© 2013 Craig2591


Author's Note

Craig2591
Suggestions and constructive criticisms are always welcome.

My Review

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Featured Review

Chrissy is doing an admirable job of keeping it together. That badass chick is tough as nails!

One thing I noticed was that you started the first several sentences in the third paragraph the same exact way. She, she, she. Slight variation in structure would not go amiss (=

Also, I think you forgot a "manage" or "do" in this sentence: It was
going to be tough to put on a calm
appearance, but she had to it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

10 Years Ago

Thank you for pointing those things out.



Reviews

Chrissy is doing an admirable job of keeping it together. That badass chick is tough as nails!

One thing I noticed was that you started the first several sentences in the third paragraph the same exact way. She, she, she. Slight variation in structure would not go amiss (=

Also, I think you forgot a "manage" or "do" in this sentence: It was
going to be tough to put on a calm
appearance, but she had to it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

10 Years Ago

Thank you for pointing those things out.
Yes, Chrissy is a tough one. Her difficult life before meeting Ian has helped her in this situation a bit or more, I think. She's doing what needs to be done without crying or falling apart here and there. Excellent story.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Exactly what I was trying to portray. Thanks!
Chrissy has absolute nerves of steel! I really hope Ian, Chrissy, and Emily come out of all this okay. (I just realized Ian, Chrissy, Emily forms I.C.E. Because they're just that cool.) Keep up the good work, please!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

I.C.E.! I never realized that. Thanks.
I am so into the story I couldn't even stop to review the last four chapters. You have me on the edge of my seat!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Glad you're enjoying it.
Very short, but tense. I have a feeling the next chapter is going to get ugly.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

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Added on July 25, 2013
Last Updated on July 25, 2013


Author

Craig2591
Craig2591

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About
I am a visual artist with no formal training in creative writing. I get stories knocking around my head and sometimes I write them down. I decided to join this site to share them with other writers .. more..

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