1. Vanishing Act

The first chapter of my spy thriller based on a dream I had.

Stefanie sat at a small table outside of the ice-cream shop eating a cone of frozen yogurt as she watched the eclectic mix of people stroll by on the boardwalk. 'Boardwalk' was an inaccurate term for the path that led among the dunes since it was actually made of asphalt, but that's what everyone called it. The twenty five year-old wore a blue halter, green shorts, sunglasses and a Blue-tooth headset. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she had a baseball cap on her head. Sitting at the table next to hers were two young men, one of whom kept smiling at her. She ignored him and kept watching the people walk by.

A few miles away sat a maroon sedan along a quiet, tree-lined street. At the wheel was a man of fifty with rugged good looks wearing khakis and a red polo shirt. He stared at the display of the laptop in front of him. He, too, wore a headset.

“Heads-up, Stef,” he said, “She's headed your way. Judging by her speed, she's either on roller-blades or a bicycle. Can you see her?”

Stefanie lowered her frozen yogurt and looked down the boardwalk. “Not yet, Jon,” she answered, “Wait! There she is. You're right, she's on a bike.”

Stefanie watched as a pretty young woman with short blond hair rode past, carefully navigating her bicycle through the crowd of people along the path. She came to another paved path that crossed the one she was on and turned.

“She just went north on Sawgrass,” said Stefanie.

“I knew it!” he said with satisfaction, “She's either headed for the boathouse or the old dance hall. Get ready to move out as soon as we figure out which.”

“Right,” she replied. She stood up, tossed the rest of her cone into a trash can and walked over to the golf cart she had rented earlier.

“Did you hear that, Becka?” Jonathon continued, “She's headed your way now.”

About a hundred yards away another pretty young woman with a headset, this one with raven hair pulled back into a ponytail, stood at an outdoor souvenir shop casually perusing the merchandize. She looked along the paved pathway. “She'll be hard to miss,” she responded, “There's hardly anyone around here.”

“You should be getting a visual on her now,” said Jonathon.

“Nope,” she replied, “Not yet.”

“Are you sure?! She's like, forty yards away from you!”

“All I see is an elderly couple and a big guy walking a dog.”

“C'mon, Becka! She's practically on top of... what the hell?! She's gone!!”

“What do you mean 'she's gone'?!” asked Stefanie.

“Her signal just disappeared!” he said as he tapped frantically at the keys on his laptop. “Becka, you didn't see her?! She was right there!”

“I'm telling you I didn't see her!” Becka replied testily, “It must be a technology failure.”

“But...”

“Maybe she's on to us and gave us the slip somehow,” suggested Stefanie.

“Impossible!” argued Becka, “We were extra careful. There's no way she could know about us. It must've been a technology failure.”

“Well, the technology worked fine when she went past me,” said Stefanie with sharp edge to her voice.

“Are you calling me a liar?!”

“Alright!  That's enough, you two,” chided Jonathon.

“Jon, do you want me to head over to the boathouse anyway and see if she shows up?” asked Stefanie.

He paused for a few moments before he answered, “No, if she's on to us as you say, she won't go anyplace where we'll expect her. Both of you head on back and I'll pick you up at the golf cart rental place. We'll figure out our next move after that.”

“Alright.”

“On my way,” added Becka.

A feeling of disquiet came over Jonathon as he stared at his laptop in disbelief.  How did she just disappear like that? Even if it was a technology failure - and he didn't believe it was - Becka should have seen her!

Damn! he thought as he shook his head in frustration, this girl is good!

Author's Note

I actually dreamed this story one night. I received several requests to continue the story so here it is.

Suggestions and constructive criticisms are always welcome.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

"the technology worked just fined when she passed me" is my favorite line.
A fun read. I like that you showed us the spies before telling us their names and you did it in the order the target was moving in.
I think the main reason you succeeded in catching my interest is that the target is a young woman on a bike, not an old man in a black car. You've hooked me into figuring out why they are trailing her.

[Craig2591]

Thank you very much.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

That is simply amazing. I had a dream and used it for one of my ideas also...

[Craig2591]

That's cool. Most of my dreams don't make any sense, but this one was pretty neat. Thanks.

[Craig2591]

Send me a link for your dream story.

[A. H. Pinley]

Not a bad beginning, could be a little longer.

[Craig2591]

Yeah, my chapters are short. I like them that way. Personal preference I guess. Thanks for the review.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I really like how you start the story off with an ordinary scene- a twenty-something relaxing and hanging out in a cafe, almost as though it's about to kick off a love story- but then it turns out it seems to be more of a high-tech spy situation. Fun stuff!

[Craig2591]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

[Dream°]

Nice work. As for the contest, so far you're the only one that actually followed the criteria.

[Craig2591]

Thank you.

[Kinze]

I actually like the vague-ish beginning. And really, it's not "vague." Enough details and insights are given so that the reader can start to speculate how the story will play out--just like people do when watching a movie.
That's where the twists come in! To knock down the reader's initial assumptions and provide them with another avenue.

Good work here. I look forward to the twists/story you have in mind for these characters.

[Craig2591]

Sorry I took so long to respond to your review and thank you for reviewing. I owe you a review.
read moreSorry I took so long to respond to your review and thank you for reviewing. I owe you a review.

I hope you find the story interesting enough to keep following it. Thanks.

[K.]

Eek! Excited to start reading this! I love all the description, especially how you described one of the girls to have "raven hair". The story is really intriguing and it makes me want to read more.... so I will!

[Craig2591]

Great! I hope you enjoy it.

[J.L. Devices]

A bit of a vague beginning, however the pieces are there of a spy story. Interesting way of spelling Stephanie! Like I said, I don't really know what's going on, unfortunately. But mystery all comes with this genre. I'm curious about why they're tracking this girl so that's something to hook readers. Good dialogue, I enjoyed the characters!

[Craig2591]

I'm trying to reveal small bits of the mystery at a time to keep the reader wondering. Not sure if it's working, so your comments help. Thanks.

[J.L. Devices]

No problem! I'll admit that I'm a bit impatient!

[John Lauterbach]

The possibilities open up immediately. We don't know why these people are looking for this girl, or even if they're the people we want to be rooting for. Is Becka a double agent? What about the smiling guy at the other table - is he the true mastermind of it all?

I feel like the introduction is vague since we don't know why all this is happening. I'd like to see more detail either in Stef's thoughts and/or anxious actions OR get a tiny bit of background on why these three are after the woman on the bike.

I like the dialogue and the confusion and doubt they're projecting. It's good, but I think it needs at least a hint toward the 'something bigger' that's happening.

[Craig2591]

Many of things you're wondering about will be revealed through the next few chapters. I don't want to give too much away in the beginning. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

[Tina Kline]

A very interesting piece of writing. There is enough here to keep person wanting to read more. But sometimes that's all there is.....

[Craig2591]

Thanks, Tina.

[Tina Kline]

You're very welcome!