Why Can't I Be Pretty?

Words cannot begin to describe the sadness I am feeling right now. I have to say, as a “big” teenage girl I can’t get over the fact that some people don’t get it through their minds. You see, I didn’t even notice my size until a boy in sixth grade told me about it. I didn’t notice my weight until my mom began dropping hints about going on a diet. So the more I realized I wasn’t normal, the more I think no one can ever love me. In my house my parents kept inviting me to go exercise with them. Then when I said I didn’t want to, they would go on a run, come back and had some ice cream. I would go scoop myself a bowl and the looks of disapproval from my siblings followed. I was especially close to my mom, and she dropped hints so much I let out a little joke saying “Are you calling me fat?” and then she got all in a huff and replied “Well you aren’t skinny!”. Do I have to be skinny? Do I have to be a size 2 to be happy? Can’t I just be myself and enjoy teenage years? I look at my body before I get in the shower and I hate every single bit of me. I used to be so depressed and tried to gag myself. Every time I eat a piece of candy my mom gives me a look. A look of disappointment. As if I’m doing everything wrong for being who I am. That I should be disappointed when I look at myself. Should I be disappointed? Am I the one who’s in the wrong? I’m just a girl, I just want to be pretty. Why can’t I be pretty?

Author's Note

I haven't posted in like years. A lot has changed