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About my best friend that struggled with anorexia

I never said I was sorry for all the things I did

It was so hard to see you end up that way; we’d been friends since we were kids.

I didn’t know how to help you I didn’t know what to say,

All I knew was I didn’t want you to throw your whole life away,

I guess that all I had inside was this impenetrable fear

All I really wanted was for you to not feel so insecure

I wanted you to be the girl that I always thought i knew

I guess I just had no Idea what I could do

So instead of trying to discern a better way to help

I started carrying the burden, keeping it all to myself

There was nothing else to do, I thought, there was no other way

So I would keep a smile on and cry at the end of the day.

I begged and pleaded for you to finally open your eyes

To stop looking at yourself that way and stop listening to lies

But every word I said just became stale within the air

You continued with your workouts acting like you couldn’t hear

Even when I forced you to hear I knew you didn’t listen

And every trip into the bathroom confirmed each suspicion

When you started shredding pounds all I could see was bones

But to you, you looked so beautiful you were totally unknown

I kept pointing in the mirror dying for you to see

But I just couldn’t help you, that person couldn’t be me.

So I started to wander off trying to escape it

Not so suddenly you started to disappear, bit by bit.

I wanted everything to pause so I could press rewind,

Relive our good times and leave the harder ones behind

But that would have made me fail more then I already had

After everything we’d gone through I couldn’t be that bad,

So I endured every phone call every tear your eye had lost

I shredded tears at your every word, even every thought.

I cant explain how hard it was to stand right by your side

All I ever wanted was to runaway and hide,

But you couldn’t run you were stuck inside it all

I couldn’t be that selfish, but I couldn’t bare to watch you fall

But I tried to stay right next to you and tried to close my eyes

And tried to tell you what to do when I felt you were being unwise.

What I didn’t realize was you needed to make your own choices

And I just couldn’t take away the unsavory voices

So I took a step back cause I knew you were about to push me

You wanted to fly, you just wanted to be free

But you didn’t know what you were doing would only pull you down

That you would become so paranoid at each and every sound

Days turned into weeks and we didn’t share a word,

All I wanted to do was help I thought it all was just absurd,

I was dying for your information that you just had to keep

And at the time my dreams were nightmares so I decided not to sleep

Every dream was about what could happen

And every memory started with us laughen

But each and every memory ended with a tear

All I did was complain about the year

I thought it was unfair to me but I didn’t think of you

I didn’t consider even once how hard it was for you to go through

So this is my apology I hope you understand

I wanted to be in your life, I didn’t want to be banned

So now the only thing I want is for your happiness

These last few years for you have been a great success,

Even though you hurt yourself and you tried to resist

You finally caved in and let the doctors give assist

To be honest I was positive that you would pass away,

That thought bombarded my mind each and every day,

I used to get these daydreams, I was at your funeral

Nobody wanted me there and god their looks could kill

I looked inside your coffin you were so pale I couldn't breathe

Suddenly im falling it was all just to hard to believe

Then I would snap out of it and try to call again

So I hope that now you realize why I did the things I did then,

It wasn’t because I wanted all of your control

I was just worried you were falling and you couldn't pay the toll

Im so glad that you came to your senses

And between us we have no more fences

I love you I hope your life is better

Sincerely yours Abby, always and forever.