Being "The Smart One"

A Story by Abbi James

Not really a story, an article about my experience being labelled as the smart one. Just a quick piece I did this morning. Very different form what I normally do so advice is appreciated.

Up until about 14, I had been the smart one in school. I remember even in primary schools, parents would talk about me as , "the clever girl", I got gold stars on my work and rows of red ticks in my school books. Then when I moved to comprehensive school it got harder. I moved to a different school than all my friends, the only person I knew was a girl I did cheerleading with. She was popular and pretty and somehow seemed to know everybody. I she introduced me to people and I made friends, but I was still "the smart one".

There was a boy in my classes called Oliver. He would later become one of my best friends but back then in year 7, competitive 12 year old me hated him, because he was smarter than me. Every single class test we would eagerly await our results to see who came out on top, because it was going to be one of us and the other would be second. We were the smart ones, all the students said it and all the teachers thought it.

In year 8 I did my first GCSE outside school, I was the youngest one doing it, 3 years early. That was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, I remember crying at 9 o'clock in the evening, sitting in the living room with my father surrounded in paper, desperately trying to finish my course work and planning. I got an A.

In year 9 I did my second GCSE. I did it in school so the rest of maths x1 did it too. I soon realised statistics was not my strong point. I spent hours on my coursework and watched countless study videos to come out of the exam with another A to add to my resume. 5 people in the class did better than me. I was devastated.

I've just finished year 10 and I am dreading the year to come. In my latest grades report I had gone down in two subjects and I cried about it to my parents. I had 9 A's and 2 B's and I was devastated. The only person I could talk to about it was Olly - my arch enemy gone best friend. Most people, even my parents couldn't understand why I was so upset about it, they were still good grades after all, but they weren't the best they could be. My 'global grade' (what I had to aim for) was an A. So a B wasn't good enough.

School has become all about grades, rather than learning.

The thing is, when you have gone your whole life being labelled as "the smart one". Being known as the girl to get A's with her eyes closed. When your parents put your grades on the fridge and smile proudly as the tell your grandparents and their friends about their smart daughter. When I get anything less than perfect, I feel like I have disappointed everyone who has ever praised me or expected more. Deep down I know that all my parents want is for me to be happy but results day is in 4 days and I feel sick thinking about it. I am only receiving two grades, one for maths and one for core science, I know that if I don't get A's, I have not lived up to people's expectations. I know that I have let myself down. I will feel like a bad person because I didn't get the extra marks I needed.

People in school always say to me "I wish I was as smart as you" or when talking about how nervous I am for results they'll brush me off with a "You'll be fine you know will". But now I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not "the smart one" there are plenty of people in my school who will do better than me this results day. They will be chuffed they beat Abbi James, "the smart one". And I will be kicking myself for not doing better. Year 11 is in 15 days and I have never been more scared for school.