The Whiskey Lullaby!

i came up with this as i sent a message to someone i haven't known for long... but never the less, she is somewhat special! the rest came along!

The Whiskey Lullaby!

 

I am a man who drinks

Just to drown the pain...

not to lose the memory

Nor let loose the brain...

Some painkillers could keep me going...

And maybe some tears to shed

As I'm walking in the rain!

Hush now, baby...

You have got to cry...

the soft voice sings...

As I go by!

I can hear her sing...

Washing away the day...

She lets my sorrow back in...

And dances my dreams into the night!

 

I can hear her sing...

Humming the late moon's hymn...

I can hear the pain she'll bring...

Its in the whispers of time!

 

She loads my soul with tears...

With tempted shadows of my fears...

And she danced me into the dark!

She hums and whispers...

The anthems of the night...

She tap danced and swayed to them..

So gracefully, like a ray of light!

 

Where did I go wrong?

Somewhere along the bitterness...

Comes along this song!

 

I hear her as the we fly by...

Like haunted playgrounds…

Over which the moon is shy…

So dark… the journey through my sleep!

So pitiful… the way I cry!

I hear her in black of my sight…

She passed and whispered me by…

I could swear I heard her sing...

The Whiskey Lullaby!

 

Author's Note

this was written in 15 or 20 minutes!
please point out anything you feel or think is wrong!

Reviews

[Adam Chambers]

she loads my soul with tears....
haunted playgrounds.....

I like these phrases in particular...
I could relate to the drinking thing, too... It is nice to hear someone putting that out there...
I would have to say I am probably an alcoholic (aren't all of us chemically imbalanced creative types?), and it is nice to see this issue not talked about in the usual condescending, negative way, but instead someone taking ownership of it and being vulnerable about it.

just a couple of ideas, for what they're worth. I don't know if the "..."'s help you at the end of each line. maybe not necessary? And I don't know if the rhyme is needed in such a strict pattern for this one-- it would be interesting to see it develop with a little looser rhyme structure, maybe coming back to the rhyme only as needed... I don't know what you call that, after all I'm just a truckdriver! But I would like to see this one develop, I think it has good potential and a very honest straitforward message.

hope this helps!
Adam

[LoKi]

hey bro
i loved that one, good job :)
i don't think there is anything wrong ,it's good as it is

take care bro

[Joseph - Michael]

I just have to tell you this; No matter what you wrote down and no matter how long it took you to write it all down like that. It's just that the matter of revising before posting, you know? But, I don't see anything much wrong that need to be fixed

So, it's all still good here...

[TamerQtaish]

Thats beautiful man!
Truly you taken a part of your heart with this piece, I know cause we drink together something

On another notice, I know what it mean when your ghosts rise up and yes drinking sometimes fills them with holes shoot by the bottle, but on other times, the bottle only makes them stronger... Just a thought

I loved it bro, Great job

Love and respect,
Tamer

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Wonderful imagery .. a sad tale .. but such a pleasure to read.. amost has a dream feel or perhaps a buzzed feel.. seems a sad song .. nice writing in 15 minutes.. some poems that just pop out quickly can be the best.. this is good writing ..
Chloe
xoxo

[Brenda Sue]

Sometimes the best lullabies come to us in a few minutes when you need them. Beautifully penned. Great job.

[Cece]

i can not point out anything
though the tears that this caused
my painkillers are my highs i desire

i have tried the alcohol as a high
but the Percocet is the high
that i prefer but careful not to OD

[Burr the Story Sorceres..]

I can actually hear the music and see her dance. This is a poem out to music and it makes me want to sing it.

[justjenn_2u]

Hush now, baby...
You have got to cry...
the soft voice sings...And you do, let it out, it hurts too much inside.

She is like a ray of light that comes in the night, to have you face your pain. Crying can be beautiful, as is this poem!!!!! Beautiful!!!!