White

Snow falls for the first time ever in a small town in Texas.

Today there was a snow day in Ovalo, Texas.

Peter was his usual groggy, half-sleepwalking morning self. He had dressed himself in khaki shorts and an almond-brown hoodie which had a light-colored splotch in the shape of a frog on its chest, and was ready to walk the kids, his little brother and sister, who were twins, to the bus stop. They were running late again, this time because the two of them had been quarreling over who would win the larger slice of lemon cake cake for his or her lunchbox, to the point of spilling both pieces, along with the remainder of their lunches, in a streak across the kitchen floor.

"Percival! Priscilla!" Peter shouted sternly. The kids came running, because the loved their brother and because they became frightened when he yelled, which he almost never did. Really he only wanted to save them from their mother, who had made the cake herself and was going to be late for work again and had already vocally expressed regret for ever having children three times that morning. "It's time to go. Have you got all your things?"

"No. Priscilla's got my backpack," Percival said, shoving his sister. 

"No I don't, you've got mine!" Priscilla retorted, pounding him with the bag she was wearing. They both had fair blonde hair, an odd match with Peter's dark brown, and were wearing white t-shirts. Priscilla's tee was coated with daisies, while Percival's resembled a polar bear.

 Peter turned the knob on the front door and pulled. It came easily. The porch was stacked five feet high with powdery white snow, which caved into the hallway like a giant bookshelf tipped off its balance. Peter dug his way to the surface quickly.

"What's going on?" he wondered aloud.

"Ice termites!" squealed Priscilla, furiously brushing the crystals from her stinging skin.

"Clouds from Antarctica," mused Percival, who was already climbing up the slope towards the rays of pearly light that still shone through the door frame. The three of them emerged on the outside, sinking waist-deep into the drift. It was only drizzling lightly, but the sky was cloaked by bright, chalky clouds. Peter had to shield his eyes from the purest white world he had ever seen.

Something soft and cold smacked him in the face. A snowball. "No school today!" announced a kid to the new arrivals as he darted around them. Seized by joy, Percival and Priscilla ran along with him, giggling and stomping clumsily through the snow.

The siblings built a tall, fat snowman named Ronnie. He was made of supple, wet snow, spaghetti hair, doggy bone arms, and lots of love. They built him until they could reach no higher, with the young boy sitting on Peter's shoulders and chucking snowballs over his head. He was their best friend for thirty minutes, and then he died. 

There had been a sudden shrieking laughter in the distance, and then a pale blur motoring over the frosty hill, which turned out to be a sled carrying a girl. It careened and plowed into Ronnie, buckling his legs. The girl, who was Evie, Peter's classmate, rolled through the snowman's midsection as he toppled to the ground and shattered like a glass bowl.

Evie climbed shakily to her feet and pulled off the motorcycle helmet she had been wearing, her tangled, pasty hair cascading over her shoulders. She was wearing a white lab coat over her usual winter wear, which consisted of sweatpants and a boy's t-shirt that was too large for her. She leaped from the pile of fresh snow she had made upon arrival and drew uncomfortably close to Peter, gripped with excitement.

"Peter! Something amazing has happened! Did you know?"

Peter looked puzzled. "I don't know. What are you talking about?"

"It's an ice age! The planet is blanketed by a sheet of ice. The oceans have turned to glaciers, the cars have turned to sleds, and the teachers have turned to snowmen. It's like a winter wonderland!"

The twins were pelting her with blocks of condensed snow. "You killed Ronnie!" Priscilla shouted. Evie took shelter from the barrage behind Peter, who reluctantly received the blows. The children circled around in attempt to get a better shot as quickly as they could manage while falling over every two steps, and Evie danced around her shield, effectively protecting herself. Peter tried to turn to look at the girl he was talking to, but he couldn't get around fast enough to face her.

"Wait, you know what this white stuff is?"

"Of course I know," replied Evie. "Who do you think I am?"

"Have you seen it before?"

"Yes, in books. It's called snow. It's made in the clouds like rain, where water crystallizes and then falls in flakes to the ground where it melts, unless a lot of it falls at once, and then it stays frozen. So it's pretty much water! Like when you put water in the freezer and it turns into ice cubes. And snowflake crystal structures are unique, so no two are exactly alike. It's soft now, but after many cycles of melting and freezing it becomes hard and slippery, not like now when it makes squeaking noises when you step on it." She stamped around to demonstrate.

"You're such a nerd," accused Percival.

"I'm not a nerd. I'm a magician," she corrected.

"Then do some magic."

"Fine then. Hocus pocus snocus!" she called, lifting her arms to the sky. The wind whipped under her lab coat, causing it to ripple and glide like a jellyfish, and then it picked up the remnants of the snowman and scattered them everywhere, creating a thick flurry.

"Cool," commented the boy.

"Hey Peter, I need your help. That's why I came."

Peter smiled uneasily. People always asked for his help, because he was always ready to lend a hand to those in need; he felt it his duty as a human being. But Evie didn't really need his assistance; she just wanted to separate him from his brother and sister so she could be alone with him. 

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, my bunny, he got himself stuck up in a tree," she explained.

"I didn't know you have a bunny."

"I do. I found him today, snuggling under the snow to keep warm, poor thing. So I rescued him. But now he's gotten himself into a heap of trouble, stuck up in a tree. You'll help me get him down, won't you? It's just right over there," she said, pointing to the frosted pine at the end of the block.

"I guess so," conceded Peter.

He gazed up at the branches of the tree, stripped of leaves for the winter, but bearing a healthy coat of snow. Sure enough, he saw a little white rabbit peeking over the side of one of the highest limbs. He placed his hand on his chin as he observed it, contemplating possible safe solutions.

"Well?" said Evie.

"How did he get up there?" asked Peter.

"How should I know? Anyway, he definitely is up there."

"Maybe we could shake it, and catch the rabbit when he falls," he suggested. "It's not too large."

"What? No, that's silly. Just climb up there. I'll give you a boost."

Peter was no expert at climbing to the tops of trees, and he wasn't even sure the upper branches would support his weight. But Evie was already pushing him forward, and he wasn't any good at saying no.

"Here, climb on my back." She knelt down. He approached her heedfully, trying to figure out where to put his weight so as not to capsize the girl, but nothing came to him. Finally he tested the waters by pushing on her, and finding her sturdy enough, he climbed atop her shoulders. She attempted to stand, nearly falling over, but he was able to latch onto the lowest limb quickly enough. He pulled himself up, anchoring with his legs on the trunk, and made his way up the tree. The whole thing began to shake as he got higher up, and Peter stopped to catch his balance. Snowflakes started to shower over him from the disturbed twigs. Frightened, the bunny sprung from the tree, soaring several yards before burying itself deep in the snowdrift with a dull thud. Peter looked up to see, and momentarily lost his balance. The branches shook, bringing down a cascade of thick snow which knocked free his grasp, sending him plummeting as well. Evie spread her arms in an ambitious endeavor to catch him, which worked, except she was left sprawled out face-up in the snow with the boy's jarred and twisted body smothering her. The bunny crawled free of the hole it had made and scurried frantically into the distance.

By this time the children had disappeared. Peter hurried back to the place where they had built the snowman, and looked all around. "Oh no," he said. "Where did the kids go? I was supposed to look after them..."

"I'm sorry, it's my fault," Evie said, playing guilty.

"No, it's not. They're my responsibility. Sorry, Evie, I have to go look for them."

"Relax, Peter," she said, giggling. "I'll help you find them. No villain, secret, or small child can escape my vigilant eye. You're in good hands!"

"Where do you think they went?"

"Hmm... To find kids, we just have to think like kids. Where would you go if you were a little boy or girl?"

"Well, it's a snow day, and kids like to play in snow."

"Exactly," declared Evie. "So they could be anywhere! That's a good start, Peter, but I think we're going to need some clues."

"Clues?"

Evie paced around with her finger on her nose, carefully monitoring the ground. "Ah! Here, I found some footprints. They seem to be heading off in this direction," she said, indicating down the road toward the light at Chestnut Street. What she had found were actually her own footprints from a moment ago. She was aware of this, but she was hoping that he wouldn't care to pay enough attention to discover her deceit.

"Okay, lead the way," Peter offered, having no better idea of what to do.

Author's Note

This is a first draft, so I'm looking for general comments about the story, characters and style. It's obviously the first part of a larger work, though I don't know how to continue it and probably never will. This is intended to be a sort of sample of my work.

Reviews

[WrittenStarts]

This story's good, but I do think you could've expanded the character's surprise. I know this is a rough draft, so you could change it some if you'd like. I think maybe a twist later in the plot would be a great attention grabber. Overall, nicely done!

[Aaron Browder]

Thanks for the input! I agree about the characters' surprise. I'll work on that in the next draft.

[Julia Mancini]

I quite liked this. The style is really nice :-)

[astronaut]

Love it, and love the last line.

[Kayelina]

This is a strange story, but I like it. Is it futuristic, where the world's ending? Or is it just plain 'ole 2013 and it's winter? I think the characters are quirky but I love them! I think you could do better with the editing part. Like separate the indentions better so it's clearer when you started a new paragraph. Keep writing and God bless!

[Aaron Browder]

Thank you for the review! I guess I haven't thought about whether it is really an ice age or just a regular snow day. I just wanted to see what would happen if it snowed in a place where no one had ever seen snow before. Thanks for letting me know about the indenting; I fixed it in my other stories but I forgot about this one.

[Kayelina]

Haha, well you're welcome! Glad I could help!

[Aaron Browder]

Could you tell me which parts you liked specifically and/or which parts you thought were weaker? I'm looking to trim it down.

[Kayelina]

I like the description of the landscape, although I still think it could be more descriptive and I like the character interaction, ex. the twins. But I also think the character development, of Evie and Peter but everyone really, could be better. Does this help? I feel like I'm being too rough...

[Aaron Browder]

No, not at all. Yes that does help, but if anything, I think you should be rougher. :)
I would like to get this in a publishable state, and I'll never get it published if it's got issues!
Thanks again for your input.

[Kayelina]

No prob. Any time!