Memories And Death

 

 

Memories and Death

 

The lights slowly flashes
the colors changes from blue to red
along with the jolly pitches.
the memories sliding across your mind as still as photographs yellowed with age.

Things change
new things to be experienced
old things to be forgotten
people to meet
places to see

Friends comes and departs
families starts and disappears
life seems to pass by as fast as a train
delivering its goods.
the skin of the universe
seems to yellow and wither.

The only thing that seems to stay is the fear
the fear of death
that is about to come.

As the colors changes from blue to red
along with the jolly pitches.
the memories sliding across your mind as still as photographs yellowed with age.

--Amy Arend

Reviews

[Freedom]

"The lights slowly flashes
the colors changes from blue to red
along with the jolly pitches.
the memories sliding across your mind as still as photographs yellowed with age."
---The s shouldn't be there in 'lights,' either that or the es shouldn't be there in 'flashes.' You need to capitalize every first word of every line, even if it's a continuation of the previous line. And you should probably change 'sliding' to 'slide.' I like this stanza, but I'm not sure why the oxymoron of memories sliding across a still mind is there. It's a good oxymoron, it just needs a purpose.


"Things change
new things to be experienced
old things to be forgotten
people to meet
places to see"
---You need punctuation and capitals. Other than that, I like how sad this stanza is.


"Friends comes and departs
families starts and disappears
life seems to pass by as fast as a train
delivering its goods.
the skin of the universe
seems to yellow and wither."
---no s's on 'friends' and 'departs.' I see why you gave the train a reason to be moving, it's good for imagery, but i think it adds unnecessary bulk to the stanza. I absolutely LOVE the metaphor about the skin of the universe, it's a great parallel to the previous stanza, enforcing your argument about things changing and letting go of old things.

"The only thing that seems to stay is the fear
the fear of death
that is about to come."
---This is sad, I like how you gave it its own short stanza, so it resonates in the mind of the audience.

"As the colors changes from blue to red
along with the jolly pitches.
the memories sliding across your mind as still as photographs yellowed with age."
---no 's' in 'changes.' And it doesn't make sense unless you start the stanza with 'the' instead of 'as the.' And same critique as the first stanza.


This is a really good poem. I love your position on the negative side of change, I'm sure we can all relate. the poem definitely stays with you and highlights all the changes we can remember. You captured a very significant side of life. Thank you for sharing. =]

[~Mariposa Una Lila~]

i love this poem, i got the chills reading it...i really like the way you wrote this poem ...excellent! x0

[James K. Blaylock]

I rather enjoyed this read. Keep up the great writes! God Bless

jkb

[Milinda_Moon]

That was very good.Wow I loved it!
And thanks for the reviews.
On my "I love you" poem you said you were confused by the first three lines...My bf calls me hon and love...But he also calls me his so that's what I meant...Hope that clears everything up ^_^
Great poem again!