A Fragile Mind

Love. How amazing it can be for some and how heartbreaking it can be to others. In this poem, our subject went through a horrible breakup and could never bounce back from the damage that was done.

Here I stand with nothing to lose, nothing to gain.

Constant thoughts zooming by in my head, spinning out of control.

One moment I’m standing in a field, the next in the middle of a busy road.

Cars zip by almost putting me into permanent sleep, one that can’t be undone.

I suddenly awaken from this craze and I’m back in that field. Still.

Life carries on all around me but I feel as if mine has come to an end.

Nothing is what it used to be. Sounds and smells no longer appealing.

For a lot of people, they don’t quite understand nor do they get what’s going on!

My mind is crumbling to ash and it can’t be undone. Can’t be fixed. There’s no hope.

I go on, starting to slowly walk from my frozen stand-still. This isn’t awful.

Until the moment it all comes back and hits me like a semi.

I’m completely frozen, can’t move a muscle. Frozen and impossible to thaw.

I just want peace, I want all this craziness to subside from my mind. Forever!

There I go, back to standing in the middle of traffic. There’s always people on this road!

Don’t these people have somewhere else to be? Something else to do?

Constantly zooming by. Zooming by and not giving a single care about me.

Do these people even notice me? Am I unseen to the rest of the world? Does no one care?

I close my eyes, hoping a car finally puts me out of my misery but it doesn’t happen.

I’m back in that field and things are calm…for now. Calm like a summers night breeze.

Summer always reminds me of laughter because everyone is out and having fun.

It takes me temporarily to a happy place. Away from all the crazy I’m accustomed to.

Memories of when I was younger and there were loved ones around me all the time.

One by one they fell like dominos. Never to be picked up and put back into place.

Instead they were taken away from me and buried. Never to be seen again.

Only memories that come to me here and there while I’m all alone in this field.

Just like that, my mind hits a switch and I’m back to negative thoughts. Negative Places.

I just want to go home. I want to be where there’s nothing but peace. I can’t take it anymore.

Constantly there’s this pendulum in my head, causing me to sway back and forth…

Happy and mad…happy and mad. Never to end.

How is it that this pendulum constantly defies gravity and law of physics?

I want to put a stop to it but I’m not a coward. I look elsewhere.

Alcohol helps take the edge off but that only lasts a short while.

Once I sober up I’m right back in the middle of that busy street. No end in sight.

A mind once so strong and independent. Now fragile and falling apart. I am falling apart.

Everyone around me is fading and I can feel myself growing more distant.

I’m all alone, whether in the field or in the street. I am still all alone.

I hope you enjoy what you have done to me…crippled my mind beyond repair.

Everything a distant memory because I’m too afraid to make new ones.

I wallow alone doing nothing at all. Friends and family left because of my depression.

My depression that worsened once you came and left so abruptly.

Peace of mind, will you please come to my rescue soon?

I don’t want this pain anymore! I want it all to diminish and leave forever.

I’m tired of the constant buzzing of cars and people that are just another passerby to my life.

Tick tock, tick tock. The clock never stops but my life doesn’t go anywhere.

I’m in a constant stand still and all I want to do is just run again. Run into a lover’s arms.

Love would make all this craziness worth it. But it’s nowhere to be found in my world.

My world never takes a break for the benefit of me. Instead it eats me up and spits me out.

Repeatedly I go through the grind and now it’s as if it will never end.

How much more can I take? How much can any one person take of this feeling?

Nothing is helping. I have tried every trick in the book. There’s nothing left to do.

The only thing I can do is take these small moments of calm and embrace them fully.

Those calm moments that continuously seem to be further and further apart.

Now they are so far apart I fear that I will never see one again.

Falling in love caused all of this and I am sure that it will never happen again.

It has taken too much out of me. I have no life left in my soul.

My soul is crumbling and turning into dust. Swept away by this cold, winter wind.

No more summer breeze for me, only cold and darkness. A chill to the bone type of wind.

I am dying from the inside out. Once so warm and now so cold. Alas, the pain is gone.

No more suffering. No more loud noises. No more, because I am finally no more.

Permanently sleeping, six feet below.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Does the field part make sense with peace? How's the flow?