dawn

i went with my sisters and dad on there fishing trip. i didnt fish but i did wright this pome about the lake and how the sun set and moon roes.

Dusk.

As the wind blows,

the waters waves move toward me.

Slow and cautious,

upon looking at my soul.

 

The sun,

barely visible.

Lays it head down,

to give way to its lost lover.

Barely getting a glimpse,

of her white smile.

 

As it slumbers,

the burning red of its glow,

gives way,

to the dark blue,

of the night sky.

 

The trees,

move to the wind,

ever so gently.

That that you barely see them dance.

Author's Note

its just a sketch. but i did do some revising. not a lot.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

This poem has peaceful air to it, very gentle and expressive .. paints a picture that says so much .. ' the trees, ~ move to the wind, ~ ever so gently. ~ that that you barley see them dance.' -

I think 'barley' should read 'barely' .. (That spelling is repeated, best correct it cos the poem is otherwise very beautiful)

[MeGoRawrr]

I love anything about nature, because I believe it has a life of it's own, and you represented that so accurately here. I love it! (:

[Rene Velez]

nice imagery, description of colors in a poem is something i don't see a lot of it was cool the way you used them

[ब्र&#..]

amazing job!
alltid
-Meja

[shoaib]

awesome job with this

[BriAnna Wyble]

this is absolutely a new favorite of mine. ive never read a poem with such vivid detail, yet so simple and beautiful in the way its been crafted. excellent poem!

[dawrita]

love it .i love the freestyle writing. it seems so fresh. i was floating along with ya watching the sky turn to night

[C.M.]

I am usually not one for freestyle form of poetry but this one was an exception! This poem had good structure, and a good feel too it.
"The sun, barely visible, lays it's head down" These are great words; I wish I could use them.

[Alicante lullaby]

beautiful.