Pain

Suicide is never the answer.

It all started that one night. The night that changed everything for everyone. The things that happened only could be described as nightmares. Nightmares that people would never want to witness. I was the lucky one. The lucky one to witness these nightmares. Gladly for me, I was already dead. Two months ago is when it all started. My name is Lyla and this is my story.

I was at school, just a normal day.

“Hey Ly are you going to the dance?”

“Claire, probably but not with a boy.”

“Come on Ly, someone will ask you.”

“No they won’t. The dance is tomorrow and everyone who is going already has a date.”

“Well, I’m going to meet up with Brandon, text you?”

“Yeah have fun…”

You just meant my best friend Claire Reston. We were like sisters. She has always had my back since pre-k. Claire is the biggest “girly-girl” ever. Her hair was always perfect, much like her makeup and she was always wearing the most perfect outfits. She is the total opposite of me. They always say opposite attracts.

That day I felt pretty good. I was going to lunch to meet up with Claire and Brandon. I stopped at my locker to grab my phone. When I grabbed my phone, a note fell from the top. At first I thought it was Claire. I opened it and was surprised to what it said. I ran down the hallways to the lunch room. I couldn’t wait to show Claire.

“Woah, did you just run the mile?”

Out of breath I said, “Hell no. Look at the note I found in my locker!” I plopped down next to her.

“Ly! See I told you someone would ask you to the dance. Even if it’s your best friend, I told you. I’m always right”

“Shut up Claire!”

“So who’s taking you?” Brandon asked.

“Zach Felton”, Claire and I said at the same time.

Zach Felton was the guy everyone wanted to be. Class president, football, basketball, and baseball star, perfect grades, and just nice to everyone. He’s friends with everyone. Plus he was my best friend and I had a major crush on him, since 5^th grade. Then a thought hit me. What if it wasn’t from him?

“Claire, do you think it’s really Zach and not Hannah?”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t think it could be… Sorry Ly..”

“It’s okay, I’m just going to go and think about it….”

“Don’t beat yourself up hun.”

I got up and just about ran to the bathroom with tears of rage coming down my face. One thing you should know about me is I’m the “popular girl”. Almost everyone secretly hated me. One girl that got to me was Hannah Way. We use to be close, very close. Then she ditched me for some stupid guys. I have always gotten the guys she wanted. I didn’t do it on purpose because most of them I didn’t like. So she makes sure my life was miserable.

I looked up, bit my lip and begun to wipe the tears away. The door opened behind me. I turned around expecting it to be Claire, so I turned around. It was Hannah.

“Awww, is Ms. Perfect’s world falling apart? She said that in the nastiest voice you could imagine.

“What do you want Hannah?”

“Heard Zach asked you to the dance.”

“So what if he did?”

Hannah locked the bathroom door. “I’m suppose to be his date.”

“Well you’re not.”

All of a sudden I’m packed with punches to my face and stomach. I couldn’t scream or do anything. I stood there and took the abuse. After about maybe ten minutes, which felt like a thousand years, I fell to the cold, hard floor. After that all I remember is waking up in my mom’s car.

“Sweetie, Zach is coming over later to check on you.”

The rest of the car ride seemed like forever. As soon I got home I went up to my room. I shut my door. I slowly started to cry. This feeling I got came back. The feeling that makes upset and wish that I was never here. One nightmare, one dark secret no one knew. I looked at myself in the mirror. Pathetic, ugly, fat ran through my head. These thoughts made me cry harder. It has been two years of feeling this way, two years of cutting my wrist. With everyone not knowing what my life was really hard made it harder. People like Hannah, thinking my life was perfect. They could not have been more wrong. I took one deep breath. I thought. I’m done and I took my blade and pushed it hard, while running it across my wrist. I stung at first, but slowly the pain begun to fade away.

My eyes started to feel heavy. The last thing I remember was all the blood pouring onto my shorts. Next thing I know I was looking at myself. In that moment I knew. I felt amazing though. There was no more pain, no more sadness. I was actually happy and smiling for real. I forgot how that felt. The pain soon returned. The nightmare and truth came out of the darkness. There was no going back. I sat there feeling rejoiced when my mom yells that Zach is here.

The happiness soon faded away. The door opened and the look on Zach’s face is something that I will never forget. His phone dropped so did he to his knees. My mom came up and she too fell to her knees in tears. Zach and her were both crying and in pain. Pain that I caused. It made me feel just as bad as when I was alive. All I could do was watch them suffer, like how I did.

“Hey Zach are you okay?” Claire said that trying to hold the tears in. I could always tell when she was pretending to be strong.

“Her wrist… all the way up her arm…”

“That image must have been horrible…”

“Claire she has been doing that for a long time…”

“Zach she does have ha name, if you forgot.”

“Why did Ly kill herself?”

“I don’t know Zach, I don’t know…”

I don’t blame them for not knowing. I was excellent at hiding my feelings. I had a journal that could explain everything from the beginning. A journal no one knew about. The dance was cancelled and moved to next month because of my death. Most people were fine and respected the decision. Most people. Hannah and her friends were angry. Quite honestly, I thought it was funny. I got tired watching the people I love suffer. Within days of my death she and Brandon broke up. I watched her one night and she started cutting herself.

That hit me hard. I wasn’t fine. I couldn’t take it anymore. Why am I here? So that I can suffer more? Things have gotten worse since my death. Claire is in rehab for drinking. Zach got kicked out of school, is a druggie and blames himself for everything. Brandon is with Hannah trying to hurt Claire. The nightmare keeps coming. Watching the ones you love suffer from one selfish mistakes. You’re gone and you have to watch them suffer every day. What you thought would relieve your pain just made it worst and you can’t escape it this time. One mistake you can’t hide from, one mistake you can’t undo…