Why am I all alone

I do not know today?
Is it me?
Or is it them?
I am getting approved and challenged,
By the same friend,
For the same thing,
In the same hour of the day.
A love maybe I was granted or not.
A friend I met but never talked.
Even music,
Even photography,
No place to escape!
No mood!
No state of mind!
I feel numb,
Motionless.
I had long conversations outside yesterday,
But feel nothing was said,
It is not chaos,
It is not confusion,
It’s a feeling of another kind:
«Not having a friend to share»
The one I got stands miles away!
Yet now, I feel that even he would get bored of me
Am I looking for somebody that does not exist?
Somebody not designed yet,
Not intended to be…
Or it is simply toxic,
A radioactive environment without purity,
A net of friends not willing to care,
Friends who never decided to leave,
Because they never were distant.
Another space.
I reach for a soul,
I crave for attention,
A genuine feeling spoken out of this hollow.
Friends that jump to the window
And ask
«How you are?»
«Or how it was today?»
To give something simple,
Something sincere,
A species called «Non Human!»
These activities are ommitted of the bible of this kind.
Lying is a blessing!
And exploring is a curse!
People ashamed to speak the mind,
As if it were detached from the body
An accessory,
A bag,
Or a purse,
Bought in the shop?
Performance!
An attitude according to the status.
Repetitive rhymes and verses.
The same version, same words,
As the same robot online,
Hearing it every day, I have learned it by heart,
I need something else,
I need something true,
A piece of genuine,
From the source of the marvelous fountains of the self.
Exploration!
Feelings!
Colorful mosaics of this earth…
…I need to meet a soul!
To meet a human!