Misadventures in Bisexuality: A PSA for Straight & Gay A******s Alike

Something angry that I wrote a while back. Part article, part personal narrative.

How could I have honestly though that this was a good idea?
I had been in this exact situation before, and yet I failed to recognize it until those words were hitting me square in the face (again) - "Listen, I like you. You're hot, smart, and a lot of fun... But you aren't really gay and I don't feel comfortable sharing you with a bunch of guys."-
F**k.
I rolled my eyes and made some snarky remark about the ignorance of her assumption. Everyone seems to think that I am somehow incapable of not jumping on any and all genitals that come my way. I furiously walked home, saddened but not surprised. It happens more often than anyone cares to admit; and to be honest no one cares because it isn't a violent form of discrimination.
That was just the thing about being single and bisexual, while the chances for a date may double; the success rate is actually cut in at least half. It's called biphobia- not straight or gay enough and there isn't a damn thing to be done about it because in the majority of people's minds by dating a woman you become a dyke in denial and by dating a man you become a fake or traitor.
Nearly every date comes to a disappointing end as people show their true colors. You commonly find three types of people- idiotic men who babble about their truncated threesome dreams over creme brulee, religious mama's boys who think that their penis holds the holy power to heal me, and lesbians who figure that I am only capable of cheating or perverse forms of group sex.
Why?
Because people refuse to see one another in terms of anything but the most readily available archetypes.

I never thought that this would be an issue. As a matter of fact, I never realized that it was anything out of the ordinary to find beauty and love in both men and women. My parents never judged me for it and I sheepishly didn't expect anyone else to do so either. Boy was I wrong....

There are many enraging stereotypes about bisexuality- a selfish and relentless promiscuity being the most prominent. Have I had my share of sexual escapades? Sure. However, I have also had committed and monogamous relationships with both men and women. I have been cheated on more than once by insecure a******s who took my honesty in coming out as a sign that it would only be a matter of time before I gave into some subhuman bisexual need.

It's things like that which make it all the more infuriating to see a constant misrepresentation of bisexual characters in the media- women are handled badly and men aren't handled at all. I remember my naive excitement when I heard that in "Our Idiot Brother" Zooey Deschanel would be portraying a bisexual character in a relationship with a woman; fast forward to when I actually watched the film, and imagine my disappointment when I realized that the only reason the audience knew her character was bisexual was because she cheated on her girlfriend with a man, got pregnant, and concealed it all- expecting no consequences. In the end she is forgiven, by the grace of her lesbian lover, and this wounded romance somehow manages to triumph over the disgusting bisexual transgressions that it has endured. Even in reality shows that are supposedly aimed at giving more visibility to LGBT women, such as "The Real L Word", the overall editing and finished product managed to make the bisexual cast member the most unlikeable and vile- as she cheats on her boyfriend with a woman with whom she promptly moves in only to later cheat on her with a man whom, on a whim, she marries in Las Vegas chapel for the show's season finale; in which her hasty and poorly though out straight marriage is directly juxtaposed with the emotional lesbian wedding between the other two protagonists of the show.
Do I find the way that she acted excusable? No. Not at all; but I don't think her actions had anything to do with her sexual orientation, rather her own selfish and emotionally immature nature. However, I do feel as though the people in charge of the show went out of their way to villainize bisexuality.

Where are the strong and smart role models for bisexual women and questioning girls coming to term with their sexualities? Little by little women like Evan Rachel Wood, Anna Paquin, and Amber Heard are beginning to speak out and try to educate the larger mainstream public; but instead of gaining the visibility that they deserve, Lindsay Lohan's declaration of heterosexuality, labeling her relationship with a woman and toxic, takes the headlines. "I Kissed a Girl" and "Gay When Drunk" have become the slogans of silly girls looking to tantalize men and the pick-up lines of misguided frat boys trying to push their girlfriends into threesomes. Declaring oneself bicurious is a new trend that makes it even harder for people actually struggling with their sexualities to come out.

It isn't enough to fight for gay rights, it's time to make the effort to educate people as opposed to shrugging off their ignorance and keeping our anger and indignation to ourselves. It's time to tell the media that we no longer want to see debasing stereotypes being perpetuated. It's time to raise our voices, wave our flags, and stop letting the B in the LGBT community go silent and unrepresented.

Author's Note

This was an issue very close to my heart- let me know what you think please!

Reviews

[Rere020616]

Very deep and true issue, it was so real...thank you for sharing such great story... love the way you speak out the words...I really felt it being part of the LGBT as the L... I respect your story...

[Amayrani Franco]

Thank you! I'm glad to see that a non-bisexual member of the community can relate and appreciate my story. That means the world to me.

[Rere020616]

yes, hoping to read more of you writings...

[Everett DeValle]

A really deep issue you brought to the surface that should be heard and understood...I know someone from personal experience, yet it doesn't make me know what they are going through...and you bring the account on how it is...your story was full of emotive feelings that needed to he expressed...and I truly respect you for letting voice be heard with matter that was dear to your heart. Nicely done.

[Amayrani Franco]

thanks love (:

[Amayrani Franco]

thanks love (:

[Everett DeValle]

You are very welcome...I enjoyed reading your story. :)