Secrets

A poem inspired by a special someone

Soft kisses are secrets told to the heart.

The only organ that can keep it. 

The mind too rational and the tongue lies.

The heart being the only one willing to compromise. 

It does what it feels no worries in being right

Lives by no fears and ready for the fight

this being why i follow my heart 

your presence giving me the light that i need 

your energy saving me from the dark

Dark places

I cant escape it

Until you come close and i face you

knowing then that there's light at the end and it stays true

why would i deny you 

even through the trenches

I stay only inches behind you

better yet, right beside you

no better position than to ride beside you

taking heed to the pulse that beats out loud for you

and although i must wait until you finally see

here is where you need to be

and not because this is a game to me

excuse me if i over step my bounderies

but because that over there is just a fallacy

and this is what's real to me

holding truth not fantasy

why can't you see that we flow beautifuly

sounding peaceful and yet profound

trying to multiply the piece of happiness that i have found 

loving every kilosecond that you're around

this thing is perpetually abstract

a piece of me is fine with that 

you leave a peace in me

not even the demons on my back can take back

this here is a wildly stroked piece of art 

and in the winds i'll wait for more kisses

those lovely secrets that you softly whisper to my heart

Author's Note

Be honest. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Jim Slaughter]

I love the way you link the first line and the last...quite a nice wind-up. You need to check spelling, be consistent in the punctuation, and I, actually, am bothered by the lower case "i". You, the writer/lover show far too much strength throughout this piece, to put yourself in that "secondary" position. Like Mr. Bell, I like this piece very much. It just needs a little polishing to make it a real gem.

[Chantels Corner]

Thank you so much for your feed back. I really appreciate it. I will do some research on 1st, 2nd and 3rd person writing because i am a bit confused on the "too much strength" suggestion. Are you saying i am being a bit aggressive for such a pleading and vulnerable piece? If so i will work on that. This is exactly what i am needing so thank you.

[Jim Slaughter]

Too aggressive? Not at all, but strong in your emotions. And the "person" thing is just the difference between "i" and "I". Since you do it in your comment as well, it must just be "your thing" and part of your style. But, in my opinion, it's too casual...certainly too casual for a piece like this.

[Chantels Corner]

Oh ok, I understand what you're saying. I have never really paid much attention to that. Thank you. I can definitely hear and feel the difference in "i" and "I" now that you have broken it down for me

[Paul Bell]

I like this. though i would lose a few lines. I'll message you, see what you think.

[Chantels Corner]

Thank you! I look forward to hearing from you

[Paul Bell]

Sent you a change in poem did you get it.

[Chantels Corner]

No. I didn't have anything in my inbox. Try sending it again. I'll check back later