There is Terror Here

This is a ... Diminished Hexaverse?

There is terror here

Fear bracing my spine

Fouling up my mouth

Make me shiver, shake

And quake in my boots

 

The gun rattles

Against my vest

My hands cause it

Trembling hard

 

I can’t see

I can’t hear

I can’t move

 

I’m not

Made for

 

War

Author's Note

Before you rebel against this: I am pro-war - However - mankind wasn't created for war.

Reviews

[...]

. i don't know technically ... but i think this is a powerful poem ... we may need to defend ourselves ... but i do think that you're right in saying we're not "made" for war ... ideally there should be no need for it ... but then we don't live in an ideal world ...

[edie madison]

i like that you can write from a different point of view! regardless of my opinions i think it's really awesome that you can look at things, furthermore write about them, in the shoes of someone else.

this is really simple - but so powerful. i really enjoyed this. the only thing i would change is the word "trembling" in the second stanza. are you sure it should in -ing not -s? i'm not sure if the verb tenses line up there, but i could be wrong.

great job, keep on writing. (:

[JC]

Powerful, I did not get the feeling that you were against war.

Man's instinct is to protect not destroy.

I like the way you set this one up with four word line down to the one word line at the end.

JC

[Wolfwind Words]

Poeticly speaking it's brilliant! I agree with the Doc...it's a sign of bravery...No matter what happens in life...when we are faced with things that are not nessesarly designed for the the human mind or body to contend with...we feel the fear of the moment.
I think your piece describes that beautifully and makes the reader aware of what a soldier in the field might feal when threatened.

Great Ink!
Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

[T. F. Rice]

Hi,
I really like this poem. Honesty is rare and you've accomplished it here.

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

What your poem describes is bravery. Everyone fears. Not everyone stays to do what is right.
The uncontrollable rush of adreneline, the knot in the belly, the nausia, trying hard not to lose your bowels, and you are standing there, safety off, finger on the guard, heart pounding, everything shaking, praying... 'cause you know you are going to go in there.

Good write, my friend.

Doc.

[Helena]

I thought this was brilliant! Thank you for submitting this to
Sal's contest! ~ Helena