Snapped

This poem mimics the way I talk after I eat sugar. Please comment and critique!

I promise it’s a good reason.  What reason?  Wait.  What are we talking about?

Oh, the reason I’m here.  Wait.  Where are we?  Eastern State?  Oh!  It’s nice here.  I like it.  Kinda.  Sometimes.  No, not really.  Except, there’s no work.  Or boss.  So it’s nice.  I like it.  Kinda.

Why am I here?  Oh, that’s right.  I never told you.

See, this one day, I fell.  Well, first I lost my shoe.  My neighbor’s dog, you see.  He got into my apartment.  And then, he stole my shoe.  The crummy little…

Anyway, I chased him.  But, he was fast.  And big.  Very big.  He kept knocking into things.  And the things attacked me.  It was scary.

Anyway, I used to program.  I worked for TI.  All I did was type code.  So my computer was important.  Very important.  I loved my computer.  And he loved me.  Told me so everyday.

Anyway, the dog, it was evil.  It killed my computer.  Killed it!  Ripped it out of the wall!  There were sparks.  And fire.  And smoke.  All my work, gone.  Weeks of work.  All gone.

Then, the smoke got thick.  Really thick.  And it got hard to breathe.  And my eyes stung.  And my nose got runny.  And I started crying.  So I sat on the floor.  I was too sad to move.  It was really hot, and dark.

Then, people started screaming.  Really loud.  And it was really hot.  So I decided to move.  Fast.  ‘Cause it was hot.  Really hot.  Like, burning hot.

Anyway, I ran through the kitchen.  And through the living room.  Then, I tripped.  My coffee table attacked me.  Don’t look at me like that.  I swear it did!  Growled and everything.

Anyway, I say that a lot.  Anyway, I mean.

Well, anyway, I fell.

It was great!  You should have seen it!  Flying through the air and everything!

Then I landed.

That wasn’t great.  Actually, it really hurt.  Really bad.

So I screamed.

Then these people grabbed me.  They had big ugly clothes.  And alien faces.  They pulled me down the hall.  They tried to kidnap me!

So I screamed.  Louder.  And I fought.  Hard.

They tried to talk to me.  But I hurt. And I couldn’t hear.  So I fought harder.  They put me in a box.  It had flashing lights.  It was scary, so I fought.  They tied me down.  And someone stabbed me.  In the arm.  And I got tired.

Then I woke up here.

And I’ve been here ever since!

So, what about you?

 

--

 

“Is that patient talking to herself?”

“Yes, doctor.  It’s typical.”

 

Author's Note

Eastern State Hospital - not the Penitentiary. The goal was to keep all my sentences under 7 words.

Reviews

[Kiya]

:) Made me smile, and that's all that matters. It really sounded like someone on a total sugar-high. Haven't done that in a while... Such a witty poem, and well done on reaching your goal! The sincerness of the patient came through, although they're almost off the edge. Well done on a fantastic poem.

Kiya :D

[nightmask]

XD it's very cute :) although I do imagine the person as an older man maybe 23? anyway (lol no pun intended) it was really good and funy like she was rambaling

[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

Do you really talk like that on sugar? That's kinda creepy.
-Twilight