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Breathe.
Again, breathe.

The fusion of anxiety and truth is overwhelming. It carries me to a height where I start to feel dizzy. There's something I cannot understand and it's what I understand. If it takes me a decade to forgive the past, then it might take me a century to finally know that one thing I understand. But do I wanna know?

I won't ask the obvious question or the cliche one. I'll ask the one that gives me attention. I'll ask the one that causes our pacemakers to let go of control.

I'm pathetic, the truth is. I lack empathy but I always seem to beg for it. I'm shy because I believe that everybody else has pretentious intentions and that scares me. I carry an anger that surpasses the light in my soul. Most importantly, I'm selfish because I refuse to trust every word.

I'll reflect on my disaster of character again when I'm thirty. Hopefully I will still have two eyes, two legs, my sense of feel and my soul. Maybe I will still sing to birds and cuss at mosquitoes. I might still be observing ungrateful characters in their behavior and judge them carelessly because they deserve it.

Dear Vanessa, what a fool you are my lovely. You see the world as a dark canvas only because you feel it's necessary to see what others don't.
You have the eye of a demon but that's okay, it's not cancer. It's a minor headache.

But I urge you to see beyond the darkness, and maybe you'll see a lighter version of black. You have passionate sight. You see people for what they truly are and the images haunt you because they are also reflections of you.

So don't panic at the mercy of anxiety. Vanessa or anyone reading this confusing poem. Panic when you can't smell the morning anymore. Panic when you start dancing with the night.

So breathe, darling.
There's work to be done.

Author's Note

Ask away!

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This is captivating and thought provoking as it unearths the sadness of being someone who finds life so challenging to their inadequacies that they appear to rail against it but deep down they really want to embrace it softly.

[nessamokobocho]

I was hesitant at first not knowing if people would understand that. Thank you for reading.