Faith

A dream about my Grandad quite a long time after he died.

His smile lines are still there a testament
to his days out here his eyes that same honest brown
that could see straight through and into you
see right into maps and puzzles
problem penetrating
careful eyes, but his skin is younger the deep creases
in his forehead disappeared
arms filled out like photos
of them wrapped around her
both grinning to their core
 sitting at his true height hands
clasped together in front of him,
 our family surrounds
blank faces. The sun light beaming in through
the open windows but there is no warmth in it
the heat is coming from his eyes

swim
as he looks up at me and I fall apart
he is all in one piece and I want to know
if he remembers
 that in the end he was in pieces
without her, lost
acting out ghosts long past
losing his voice and becoming once again
a beautiful child whose hand I could hold
as he once held mine reassuring
me that it would all be fine
my chest heavy and aching throat
about to burst
as I led him in loops of the corridor
ignoring the double locks on the door
keeping him from a world
he once held in the palm of his hand
telling him over the whimpers and screams
of the other shut ins about
my day at school, the maths tests I was failing
searching his eyes for that spark
of engineer he was once

I can see he knows this story but
become aware this man did not live those
last few months
he was here already searching for her
from that morning we found her shell in
bed beside him,  his face forms a smile
I’ve seen in pictures and
I am wrapped up in his glow. His eyes
tell me that he knows
tell me he loves me too and to be strong.
That he is safe and happy
I wake up different wishing they had seen
him too

Reviews

[...]

moved to tears
these words melt
with love
i'm sure he knows
how much you care