Pinkeye

For my friends

That ache like some vital part of my chest is missing
silence pounding in my ears
finger tips tingling
choking down that nervous twitch
that makes me chew my lip to blisters
calm myself and count the
ticking of the clock out there
the crunch of cat biscuits from the kitchen
list the noises in my head
remember they’re familiar, I’ve fed those two
six times since I woke up last time
warned that they’ll get fat
getting moaned at anyway,
 food or love I give them both but neither
seems to be enough
they trip me and gripe loudly underfoot
as we pad from room to room

fed myself and pulled it out
six times today, sneaking out of toilet purged
to four accusing yellow eyes
I count it back and shut the door
lay down on the floor
and get into the rhythm of my weighted sit ups
that will take me until morning
as the pills I caved and swallowed kick in
and I stop noticing that sore spot
start feeling my breath swell in and out,
one cat is licking herself loudly
the other is sniffing and swiping at my socks
staring at me like I’m the weird one
I nudge him with my toe and shoot a stern look
on the way back up, he doesn’t give a s**t
but really I’m grateful for the company

I’m too young to feel so old

Reviews

[johnnyqueer]

I can relate to the last stanza so much. Fantastic write.

[...]

Beautifully written and narrated. Your company is super precious, and no you're not old or ever will be. These words are proof of that. The artists of the poignant realms never grow old. I still feel nine and when I read you, I feel you're nine too.

[Anthony]

I love the flow of the enjambment in this piece.

[darknewday]

I know the feeling well. Thank you for sharing.