Charcoal

I pick up the worn out charcoal stick

Made up from something that was once alive,

Now burned.

I want to sketch the hills and valleys of your body

But my hand shakes, unable to capture what was once mine,

Now gone.

The dark ash has no hope of depicting the depth of your eyes,

The blueness of them, the soul in them, the love in them,

Now lost.

I put down the worn out charcoal stick

The paper remains blank, the image of you once cherished,

Now forgotten.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Beautiful poetic expression in your lines. I felt deep loss here. It's very rare to be able to capture the spirit of a person in a drawing unless you are an exceptional artist. However the memory can work well for us and capture far more than one sketch. Very nicely conveyed. All good wishes.

Chris

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you. Always a pleasure reading your reviews and feedback.

[Chris Shaw]

You are most welcome :)

[Franky]

This is a sad depiction of a wonderful lost love. I see and feel the emotion here. Well done

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Deep in thoughts and yet captivating with the behind thoughts. Once which was a labeled body now has turned into soul & forgotten.

[Robert Trakofler]

This feels like when I try to write a sketch of something in words and I'm never able to capture it completely to my satisfaction:/ but I never seems to stop trying AV:)

[@_av_poetry]

Some things are very hard to capture, but to stop trying would be to admit defeat and artists are rarely quitters :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this so reminds me of some scenes from the movie Across the Universe....as Jude is sketching Lucy's portrait on the side of a wall, with a burnt stick...
later she splits from him...and in a scene later, she is by that same body of water...finds the stick and looks behind her at what's left of the portrait.
In this poem...the image is gone...and forgotten...or is it?

j.

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)

[John the Baptist]

The deep sense of loss in this one is conveyed powerfully by the two word refrains following each couplet. The feelings of powerlessness and emptiness are almost palpable. The symbolism employed gives the impression that death was the cause of the loss. If so, my condolences.

[@_av_poetry]

Thanks for the in depth review, much appreciated. Luckily it's only a symbolic loss but it's valuable to know what the effect is and how you perceived it. Thank you.