A Warning

I warned you from the start

That I am damaged goods,

That I'm a shattered girl.

A soul lost in the woods.

You said you didn’t care

About my broken heart,

That we would take the pieces

And turn them into art.

I told you it's too late,

That I am too far gone,

That I'm the darkest sunset,

And you, the brightest dawn.

You said that light and shadow

Are dancing hand in hand,

And if we keep our faith,

Our dreams will go as planned.

I fell back into silence.

You didn't heed my warning.

And so I grasped the night,

And you the brilliant morning.

Reviews

[gram linski]

I liked this, having been in chaos relationships before, night and day trying to co exist, does not bode well.

[@_av_poetry]

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

I really like this one very much. Such strong declaration of love, and yet not quite strong enough. It did not hold on, as so often is the case. Because love must be met half way.

[@_av_poetry]

Love is not enough when people haven't healed first before trying to enter a relationship.Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)

[alanwgraham]

This is a deceptively simple rhyming poem that is full of great images and clever twists. The subject matter is very common in WC but you have risen above the hackneyed phrases. Your use of light and darkness to describe this relationship is very good.
Great work.
Alan

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you.
I do my best to convey deep meaning by using simple words. I'm glad you noticed. Thanks for reading.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

a near miss...love almost takes hold, but they are on different planes...

she is still in the darkness of the past and can't get out...even though he was right...
broken pieces of heart became perfect pieces of art.
well done, Angela..
well done.
j.

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you. I appreciate the way you interpret my poems. Always spot on.

[emipoemi]

Holy kwap, AV! This is amazing! Touching and moving! Profound and powerful! Incredible!

I do have a couple of comments: The second iteration of "broken heart" is more powerful than the first, and since you don't continue the form of ABAB, you can definitely change the first "heart" into something more powerful (that doesn't have to necessarily rhyme). See what you come up with. And the second is the expression is "heed a warning". Saying "want" (in the last stanza), yes, strays from the cliché, but in this case, in order for the last to lines to really pack the greatest punch and be a greater ending, say "heed".

This is otherwise beyond words! I'm in awe! Well freaking done!

[emipoemi]

"shattered girl".....not a bad change. Keep "shattered", change "girl" (simply because "girl" and "soul" don't complement each other as much, given "soul" is more abstract and "girl" is more mundane). It's your call, I'm just suggesting that you challenge yourself more as a poet (that's how we evolve - by challenging ourselves). The more the imagery and metaphors complement each other, the more powerful the punch (if you can't find a better word than "girl" on your own, then leave it as it is, for it's not the worst word for the line, it just doesn't complement "soul" as much as it should).

Again, your call. Just giving my two cents.

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you I'll work more on it soon

[Chris Shaw]

I really enjoyed this read. Nicely told story. She was prepared to take a chance, accept you as you were with all your baggage. I hope she was able to mend your broken heart.

Chris

[@_av_poetry]

Hey Chris.
I understand my name here doesn't exactly convey my gender! My name is Angela. read moreHey Chris.
I understand my name here doesn't exactly convey my gender! My name is Angela.
Thank you for reading as always.
In answer to your question, he saved me from myself and now only scars remain from what was once shattered.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Angela :) Pleased to know more about you :)