To Mom

What happens when you're forced to break a promise to the most important person in your life.

Mom, happiness has a price,

I know, I pay it every time you call and you're upset

And the blood, your blood, in my veins turns into ice.

Mom, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve failed,

That the breath I took for the first time as your gift

Was wasted on me, and that given the choice I would have never inhaled.

Mom, missing you feels like an eternal wound I cannot heal,

And with a gaping hole I persevere, sick of the happy moments,

That desperately I try to steal.

Mom, the mere thought of you has me in tears,

Crying in my sleep and plagued by nightmares,

I dread the days and weeks and months that turn to years.

Mom, the hills I have to climb are steep, the mountains high, the rivers deep,

And telling you I’d never leave,

Was one of the promises I could not keep.

Mom, I have no words to tell you how in my life you’ve left a space,

And yet I try, and patiently await,

For the next time I get to kiss your face.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

When we hurt the people we love. Always create great pain. Hard to live your life without the worry of others for our safety. I felt the sadness and regret in your words. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you for reading it means a lot. This poem is the most honest thing I've ever written, straight from the depths of my soul. Thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

I felt the honest words and you are welcome my friend.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another quite emotional poem filled with guilt and love at one and the same time. The repitition in the fist lines give the impression of a face to face encounter or a letter written in suplication of fault and imprefection.

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you. Love and guilt indeed. Very insightful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Kind of agree with Margie on that one line....but i do like this...maybe because i relate to it so much.
Lost my mom in 2016---and still want to call her up...i look at the phone sometimes and then remember that i can't---still hurts.

j.

[@_av_poetry]

It is, no doubt, one of the hardest things we have to go through as humans, losing our parents. It never goes away, you just have to find a way to live around the gaping hole it has created.

My parents are alive but I had to move to another country so I can't have them around, thus this poem was created.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, for me, both gone...a finality....but i also relate to that moving thing...my parents lived in Trinidad and then Sweden for several years...so little contact and they felt so far away...
and you are right...we just have to fill the emptiness somehow.
it's a very moving write.

[barleygirl]

You present a universal message here with heartfelt passion . . . so often one's offspring must move on to greener pastures for a million different reasons. It can take years to get over the feeling that we've betrayed those left behind, somehow. Your lines are laced with guilt, something that must be conquered, but that is hard to do. My only complaint: "the hills I have to climb are steep, the mountains high, the rivers deep" -- sounds cliche & it could be made to sparkle in a more original way (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you for your honest review. It is one of my most personal and revealing poems and I always feel a little exposed when I share those.

You're absolutely right about the cliche. It was something I noticed the moment I wrote it down but I decided to keep it. I felt like in a strange way something overused like that could keep the poem grounded, familiar, an image of overcoming obstacles, without necessarily ruining it.

Thanks for reading! :)

[barleygirl]

Lots of ordinary readers (who are not writers) identify with the familiar phrases, so cliches have their place . . .

[Moonie]

This is so poignant and touching. When I started my med school, I had to separate from my entire family, and I remember missing my mum the most. The feeling of walking around with a gaping hole, those nights of loneliness, I felt all those things that you mentioned!

[@_av_poetry]

Thanks for reading. This poem means a lot to me. It is the most accurate representation of what I'm going through that I had no other way of expressing. It's nice to know people can relate to my writing. :)

[Planet x]

wow that touched me so deep , beautiful writing , emotional and powerful words

[@_av_poetry]

I appreciate it. This poem means a lot to me.

[Planet x]

I could feel it
On your profile you wrote that you hope you will touch people with your words , you certainly did now.

[@_av_poetry]

That is beautiful to know. That's all I ever wanted to do with my poems, express my feelings as a type of self therapy and maybe in the process touch a few people's hearts.

[Planet x]

you just did

[Chris Shaw]

This is a really touching write.' Mom, the mere thought of you has me in tears'. I can remember when my parents moved four hundred miles away when I was in my early twenties. I missed them both, but particularly my mum. I literally pined for her. You have conveyed your emotions well here.

Chris

[@_av_poetry]

In my case I was the one who moved countries. The promise broken.
Thanks for taking your time to review.

~Angela

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome.

[BlackPrince]

This is a beautifully written poem from daughter to mum. It has sincerity, meaning and depth.
I love the way you've structured the rhyme scheme, making it rich in truth, love, rhythm and flow.

I hope all is O.K. between you and your mum. You know, we only have one mother; so no matter how many negative situations may often take place, we need to always find room for forgiveness and not to take things for granted, not to allow solvable issues to deteriorate into grudge and bitterness.

Can you please review some of my poems?

Well done.

[@_av_poetry]

Thanks for taking the time to review this poem.
Will keep an eye out for more of yours for sure. Cheers.