Yeah, It Was.

Reflection about when I lived at home, warning: mentions of cutting

Yeah, it was Hell.

There were days that I wanted to quit.

There were days that I wanted to dig a six foot hole

And bury myself in it.

There were nights that I bled more than I meant to…

Nights where the numbness could not be replaced,

Not even by pain.

There were nights when I thought my eyes were surely burning from my sockets

From the tears that would fall in silence.

Not even the masks I painted could cover my face with an emotion,

No matter how beautiful I made them…

There were days when people noticed the cuts and scars.

There were days when they questioned them.

Not just the ones that I created but also

The ones that were given to me.

I always had some excuse up my sleeve.

I taught myself to be klutzy.

Easier to explain things.

Today I still act that way.

Just out of habit I guess.

Yeah, It was hell.

But I learned.

Learned how to blend in and become invisible.

Learned that superglue is better than stitches.

I learned how to climb a fence so quick,

If you blinked you would have missed it.

I learned not to make eye contact,

Not to speak unless necessary.

There were days when I learned that

I had no true friends.

There were nights that I learned

I would never be good enough.

Nights that I learned that even the animals were as frightened as me,

As we all hid in my closet.

I learned a lot.

Yeah it was hell.

I made some mistakes.

I now have to carry the scars of them with me,

For the world to see,

To critique.

But I don’t regret them.

They can think what they want about me,

About them.

They show of my failures,

And my triumphs,

They show that in the end…

I won.

I was the winner.

Because I am here.

Still here.

Breathing…

Creating…

Living…

Reviews

[Katho28]

I love this poem.. Thank you so much for sharing it.. I can really feel the pain, it really must have been hell. But you're right - you got through it and it shows that you are the winner and that you arestrong. You are a fighter :)
I especially loved the use of metaphor in:
"I learned how to climb a fence so quick,
If you blinked you would have missed it."
You were able to bring tears to my eyes with this poem..

[Zune]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you comment! I tried to put all of my feelings into the poem and I am glad that you were able to see that. Thank you again so much!

[Katho28]

You're welcome... You did an amazing job at showing those feelings :)