Work In Progress.

As the title says, this is a W.I.P. So um, lemme know what you think so far. I've added short descriptions of what the verses I've yet to wrote are about so hopefully you'll still get the song's story...? Enjoy/Review/Crit. ^_~

(Descriptions of unwritten verses are italicized.)

Verse 1

Girl saying she's leaving for a while but will be back.

Chorus 1
I close my eyes,
and then I'm in that far off place.
Just hold me tight,
the world escapes with your embrace.
I need to find you and be where you are,
because you're all that's left worth fighting for.

Verse 2

Guy finds it hard to cope without her. Desperation settles in.

Chorus 1

Verse 3
And you said,
you'd be there when,
when the rain falls.
And you begged,
that it would be only
only your name that I call.

So here I am,
screaming until my lungs burn,
and my throat is raw.
To find you there,
with another,
moaning out your name for more.

I don't want your plague in my life anymore...

Chorus 2

I close my eyes,
there's nothing on your face but shame.
Don't you dare cry,
you only have yourself to blame.
I'm sick or bleeding/trying (Which one sounds better? :/),
I deserve so much more...

You'll never be worth fighting for.

(Yeah, I know it needs a lot of work and re-thinking but I like the idea of it. Oh, and in case you're wondering, the style I imagined it sung is in like an rock/emo/screamo way? If you've heard of Alesana/BlessTheFall/Silverstein then that kind of style.)

Reviews

[Sinny]

It's sad how the ending is......but it warmed my heart in a way i felt before....

[Serend1p1ty]

Right, well I took it as a more Jack's Mannequin song only cause that's what I'm listening to it lol.
The chorus is beautiful.
It's original how you said in the line "the world escapes with your embrace. " because most of the time, people say that they escape from the world.
The second part of the 3rd verse also stood out a lot for me. Not that the other parts are bad, I'm just mentioning the ones that jump out & grab my heart.
I'm a huge lover of music so I judge a song straight away & when a song grabs me, I'll feel it straight away.
I have a feeling your song will do just that!

Yours truly,
cloud6