Her Heart is Black

She sees clearly,

The way people look at her.

 

How they whisper,

When she walks by them.

 

She acts like she doesn’t notice,

But she notices everything.

 

She’s a mute.

But somehow everyone knows her.

 

She gets judged constantly,

Of how much black she wears.

 

She could care less in her mind

About other people and their problems

 

Her heart is black,

From people making her like this

 

She lets no one in,

She doesn’t want to let people in ever.

 

She was taught not to love,

How not to respect it and how not to give it.

Author's Note

needs to be finished...

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

I agree that right now, this poem seems unfinished--it ended pretty abruptly. You could either go on with it some more in order to add more substance, or just end it on some nice cadence in the next stanza, so there's a lot of possibilities. As far is it stands now, I think it's a decent poem, but maybe just a little bit too simple and straightforward. I don't think that the lack of imagery or metaphor or anything like that is the problem, and the terseness of the lines works in the poem's favor because of the subject and the style...but it just lacks impact for me, because so much of the language is pedestrian. Here's one stanza that I liked the least:

"She lets no one in,

She doesn’t want to let people in ever."

The problem to me with reading that line is that it repeats itself (the 'let people in' part), and it is just too dry. Maybe you could think of some other way of describing her alienation and opacity?

So personally, I don't think the poem is great yet, but I think you did choose a good subject to write about because there is a lot of potential in it. One line I did really like was this one:

"She’s a mute.

But somehow everyone knows her. "

It's ironic that she's a mute (literally or figuratively, it doesn't matter) and yet somehow 'everyone knows her'. That's a really sarcastic/cool way to criticize all of those types of people in school who make up rumors about people's lives when they don't even know them; I loved it XD I think it would improve this poem a lot if you made more use of irony and sarcasm like you did there. It is def. worth coming back to though.

[The Winter Grey]

Cold and embittered, but heartbreakingly beautiful.

[joshua deathdealer]

This is really nice and very relatable. It's easy to get get lost in this mentality and even beneficial at times. Excellent work.

[Rhea752]

this is a sad poem. beautifully written and composed very well

[Mr.Cardigan]

i like it

[Layla J Omorose]

I can picture this girl and actually knew them when I was in high school and for a little while I was like her. This is a depressing poem and I feel for the speaker in the poem. Trapped in her own lonely world. But this was a good poem. Good job.

[eeoopig]

Ha ha nice picture for it :) This had a nice depressing touch to it - poor girl. I love the last lines though. This tells a good story, good work

[Death Stalker]

Very interesting format, I like it how each stanza have their own story, but something feels missing, can't put my finger on it, but other than that, a great poem!