Disorderly Conduct

PTSD sucks

Dissonance

Fuzzes and buzzes

In my brain

All my nerves

Skittering and jangling

Words stoppered

In the bottleneck of my throat

Beneath my feet

The floor falls away

 

I need colder skies

The rattle of wind

Stripping leaves and cobwebs

Hot soup and crusty bread

Made with my own hands

I need the comfort of crisp apples

The peace of patchwork

Tucked tight against shivers

A snapping fire

And football on the telly

 

But I am lost in the insecurity

Of second summer

My temper and my stability

Sliding through my fingers

Helpless to hold on

Or call it back

What is this ticking inside

And why do faceless strangers

Think it is okay

To light the fuse

 

-Zoe Richardson

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I'm empathetic to your suffering. Suffered all my life with bi-polar and then with PTSD from emotional and physical trauma, I've often warned others, don't poke the bi-polar bear, you will NOT be happy with the end results. My faith is my refuge, and the love of a wonderful woman. That hot soup and crusty bread sounds positively delicious! Ah, the coming of winter in the south...it's heat on in the morning and air conditioning by the afternoon! We just dress in layers and shed our clothes through the day like reluctant snakes coming out of their skins. Another great write, much enjoyed!

[Zoe Richardson]

I suffer with the same two conditions. Unfortunately, it was love that inflicted the trauma and PTSD in the form of domestic abuse. I can deal with the bipolar. It's relatively benign if I stay medicated. But the PTSD...well, it just rears its ugly head when we are least able to manage it. As for seasons in the South, where else can you enjoy 12 different summers before actual summer shows up? My favorite is that week after Christmas when it hits 75 degrees and the trees think it's safe to bloom before being rudely chastised by Mother Nature for their cheeky presumptions.

[shadrach hah]

Hi Zoe, you write so well on these conditions, of course, because you suffer from them. Sometimes there are no words that can help a situation. I love the content of your honest write on your topic. This is such a real, raw piece of writing, painted with a sad truth. Your writing shines through the sadness of your words. Have a wonderful evening. Hugs always....Mike.

[Zoe Richardson]

It isn't easy to live with PTSD. it sort of sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Writing helps, and helps me regain stability. Thank you for your understanding, and for your comments.

[shadrach hah]

Hi Zoe, you are always welcome. I have heard of PTSD but I know little about it. I know one thing, it is very difficult to live with. Thinking of you. Have a wonderful Friday. Hugs always....Mike.

[Laz K.]

The description of the experience is very vivid here. It's a terrible thing to realize that one is not in control of one's own "temper and stability," but rather a plaything, a captive of phantoms from the past.

[Zoe Richardson]

It's a jarring experience that is, fortunately, temporarily. We are fragile creatures, and PTSD makes you confront this with regularity. Thank you for reading. I hope you stop by often!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is deeply disturbing...the speaker knows what she needs, but even with that, cannot seem to unlite the fuse that others constantly ignite...everywhere are reminders of a shattered past...of a deluge of chaos, and it still nags, no matter what the speaker tries to do to offset it.
j.

[Zoe Richardson]

And that, my friend, is life with PTSD. You never know when the past will rear it's ugly head. Or who will trip the wire. Most days are good, though. That's what you focus on!