Chapter 16

A Chapter by Keevan

There it is again, staring me in the face. It's back, and it's probably going to hang around for a while.

My depression.

It was raining when we got back to Central. I pulled my hood over my head and obliviously walked into the street and down the sidewalk.

"Hey, hold up," Edward said, grabbing my arm and stopping me. "Major Armstrong's going to meet us here."

"I don't give a damn," I said in a low voice. "Let go." I yanked my arm free and just walked.

I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to keep going.

The rain poured down. People rushing to get out of the rain slammed into my shoulders as they ran past, their umbrellas aplattering rain everywhere and rebounding against the plastic.

I turned a corner, and found myself in a back alley. It was dark, and very big. I wandered around, making turns and sliding my hand against the wall. I looked at my right hand a minute and imagined what life would be like if it was AutoMail. I'd probably have no feeling with it. I couldn't handle a gun with it, I bet. I slunk against the wall and finally couldn't take it anymore. I slid down the wall and sat there, staring at the sky.

"Should I even exist anymore...?" I asked myself quietly. "What's my purpose, other than killing?"

"That can be answered, Lucille."

I looked around and saw that woman again. Lust. And this time, the fat man wasn't with her. Gluttony.

"What do you know about me?" I asked, not getting up. She snickered and walked towards me.

"Didn't Father tell you?" she asked. "We're old friends, despite the age difference."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, still not getting up. I suddenly couldn't find the strength.

I felt my head start to hurt. A lot. Just like the first time a few days ago in the colonel's office.

"Eh...er..." I muttered as I clamped my hands on my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, and the voice was back.

I will show you what she's talking about, it said. I shall give you your memories back.

Blackout.

______________________________________________________________________________

A man with an eyepatch was at the door.

It had been two months since mother and Serah died. I was alone with the Bad Man. I had a black eye, and I was laying on the ground. My legs had given out, and the Bad Man got angry.

The man with the eyepatch was with the military. He said he was taking me away to safety.

I went with him, despite the Bad Man's protests and cursing.

"Am I going to a good place?" I asked him. He smiled and said, "A good enough place."

It was a kind of scientific lab facility. I was with about twenty other children, all my age.

The only feeling we ever felt was melancholy. Day. Noon. Night.

It was the same boring routine: Get up, sit through endless classes that no one could remember, yet they were implanted in our brains, get a shot, and go to bed. The cycle repeated itself, day after day after day.

A month went by, and I made two friends. Their names were Yuki and Zach. Yuki was two years older than Zach and I, and she was also much wiser. Her hair was a cherry red but was kept in a tight ponytail, like all females had to have their hair.

We were best friends. But one day, Yuki disappeared. We didn't know where she went.

The next day, Zach and I were told to go to the Master's quarters. Zach went in first, while I waited quietly outside the door. I heard muffled talking at first, then silence, and then the sound of screaming.

Lots of it. But I sat out there with a blank expression on my face, my mind not really processing anything but the white walls facing me.

It seemed like hours went by when I was told to go in.

When I did, I was thrown onto a lab table. There was blood everywhere. My mind processed what was happening, and I screamed, kicked, and tried to fight back. I kicked someone in the stomach and hopped of of the lab table they threw me on and tried to run to the door, but my legs faltered from under me because of the pressure and the fear.

"Let me go!" I screamed. "Let me GO!" I was tied to the table by thick leather belts. I turned my head and saw a closet, and I screamed. There were dead and bloody bodies inside.

Zach was one of them. And I was positive that Yuki was also in there, as well.

The Master, the man with the gold tooth, was standing in front of the table, a wicked grin on his face. He grabbed my chin and yelled, "Turn your head!" He forced me to look up at the bright light above.

Another man, with glasses and blonde hair, loomed over me.

"Can you be my Pain?" he muttered, looking down on me. "Can you bear it, being my Pain?" A mask was put over my mouth, and I tried to scream again. I felt tears escaping from my eyes, which were wide open with fear, anger, and powerlessness. The toxis gasses seemed to overpower me as my eyes drooped with my mind still on Red Alert.

The man with the glasses walked away. Now the man with the gold tooth was looming over me, a wide smile still on his face.

I slowly faded to the black, fading to a dream with extremely realistic pain flooding over me.

I saw fire.

I saw blood.

I saw sparks.

I screamed so loud I thought my ear drums were going to burst.

I knew no one could hear me.

And then, I slowly opened my eyes, the fire and blood disappearing, along with my screaming.

The room was white, but my blood was splattered everywhere. I felt shaky and disturbed. My mind was bouncing to so many things and places that I couldn't stay focused.

I saw a woman in black. A fat man in black. A boy in black. A man with spiky hair and sunglasses. The blonde man with glasses.

"Welcome, Pain," they said.

"My name...Lucille," I rasped back, my eyes closing once more.

The next time I woke up, I was in a dark room, with little light. There was the blonde man.

"You will call me Father," he said. I couldn't see his face. I looked around. "What?"

"You will call me Father, Pain," he said. "You are artificially crafted, and shall grow lod, while your brothers and sister do not. Lucille, look at your hand." I did what he said and looked at the palm of my hand. I could see lightly a strange tattoo, a red dragon, shaped in a circle, with a strange symbol in the middle.

"That is your Oreborus Tattoo," he said. "It will disappear over time. It is under your skin, so no one can see it easily. Your ultimate ability will be your alchemy. Your body. You shall melt into shadows that you create. Decompose yourself into darkness and recompose yourself to your original state. And you shall tell this to no one. You shall forget all of this."

"Why did you tell Lucille, if she was going to forget?" I asked, my voice still raspy. He didn't answer. He just snapped his fingers, and everything turned to the black.

Again.

"Wake up," a voice said. "Young lady, wake up."

I slowly opened my eyes, unsure of what was going on. It was dark outside, and I was sitting on someone's porch. A man with black hair was kneeling in front of me.

"Little girl," he said. "are you okay? Where are your parents?"

"Don't know," I answered, confused. "Who...am...I?"

"I don't know that," he said. "but let me help you. My name is Roy Mustang."

_______________________________________________________________________________

"That was it," I mumbled as I opened my eyes. I was still sitting in the alley. Lust was still standing there, looking obviously bored.

"What was it, Pain?" she said. "Lucille, enlighten me."

"That...was it," I said again. "Everything I lost, I got back. All up to the point when I was clueless in front of Roy Mustang's house. The day he took me in when I had nothing. No memory. Everything...is back." I looked at the palm of my right hand, and sure enough, the mark wasn't there.

"Father said it would disappear," I said. "Oreborus Tattoo..."

"You do know what that makes you, right?" she asked, her arms crossed.

"Homunculus," I said without thinking. The word popped into my head. "I am...a Homunculus. My ultimate ability...is my alchemy, that I have abandoned."

"Lucy!" I heard faintly in the distance. It was Lieutenant Havoc, and Lieutenant Hawkeye called my name right after he did. They were looking for me.

The rain was still falling down, and I felt completely soaked through.

"Gotta run," Lust said, turning around and walking away.

"Wait..." I whispered. "What do I...do now?" I stood up and blindly followed her as she turned around a corner. I walked slowly behind, hoping to see where she was going.

But she was nowhere in sight.

I walked and wandered through the alley, though I didn't see her anymore, and didn't care where I was going.

It wasn't long before I collapsed, my legs giving out again.

I laid there in the rain, staring at nothing.

The memories I got back weren't the memories that I wanted.

"What I want most now," I whispered to myself. "is to die. I'm a monster."

prev chapter