Through The Life by A Dying Man

This is a recalling of life from a dying man in his last moments.

I don’t know how or where I should start retelling my life. Whether you would be interested in the rather boring parts or if you want me to skip to the moments that shaped me. For arguments sake, I will start at the beginning.

 

My earliest memory is of my first day at school. The memory is faded, but I can recall most of what happened that day. We had our usual introduction and it was basically a fun day. I made a couple of friends, of which I was happy about. I don’t know if they would like me to say their full names, so we’ll just call them Jeff and David.

 

Jeff was always the leader it seemed. Going through school he led everything. Pranks, parties and even as class president before he was voted out. He had the good ideas and was the most outgoing of the three of us.

 

David was the least social. I honestly don’t know how he was friends with Jeff and me. He always kept to himself, but when he talked, he said some of the most impressive things Jeff or I have ever heard. Jokes, ideas, philosophy on how the world should be. He was also the first one of us to have a girlfriend.

 

And then there was I. I don’t think my name matters much at this point, but let’s just call me Daniel. I was the friend in the middle. Kind of social, unlike David. Never bold, unlike Jeff. Just somewhere in the middle. We were all good friends and had plenty of fun together.

 

After the summer, at the start of the 8^th grade, is when things got a little rocky. It started like every other day. Getting off the bus, going to breakfast, etc. I saw Jeff about fifty yards away next to the library talking with someone I didn’t know. I went onto breakfast thinking nothing of it. After eating, I went and found David by the school entrance. We sat and talked until the bell rang and we went inside. Jeff wasn’t present for the first few classes, which was unlike him. He liked to keep the slacker attitude and look, but he knew not to get into too much trouble. During third hour, which was when we were free to do anything for about 30 minutes, we went looking for him. We checked the usual hang out spots, but didn’t see him anywhere. Our time was running thin, so we went on to lunch, figuring that he wasn’t feeling well or his parents picked him up. We went into the lunch room, and saw Jeff sitting at our usual table. He had bags under his eyes, which wasn’t normal considering he liked to keep up appearances. We got our food and sat by him. We asked where he was for half of the school day, but he just said that he had some stuff to take care of. We asked about the bags under his eyes and if anything was wrong. He was irritated then, and moved seats. This is the first time I recalled us having and argument. David said that we should just let him be for a while and let him cool down. I reluctantly agreed, but I felt something was really wrong. We left him alone for three days. When we tried talking to him after that, he seemed even more irritated than before. He got up from the table and stormed off. David said to just leave him alone until he came to talk to us, but I was worried about my friend. David lived closer to him, so I asked him if he could check on him after school. He said no at first, but I urged him until he answered with a “fine”.

 

It was 5:00PM that day when we got a call. David was in the hospital. There had been an accident I thought. Just an accident, that’s all. I arrived with my parents at the hospital David was staying at. There was an officer inside waiting for me. He pulled me aside and asked if Jeff had been acting strangely. I answered the truth. He had been acting strange since the school year started. I then asked the officer where Jeff was and if he was here. His silence and the sadness on his face answered. I shakily asked what happened and why he wasn’t here. At the time, I think I was in shock. I didn’t think that one of my friends would die. I didn’t have a sense of mortality I guess. I found out later that David followed Jeff to a rundown house in a shady part of town. He had found out that Jeff was buying drugs from the same guy I saw him talking with the first day. His name was Richie Moore. The police told me that he would be behind bars soon and that they found enough evidence to give him 15 to life. When David confronted Jeff, they argued for a few minutes. Apparently, Jeff was still high and scared out of his mind that David would tell the cops. So… He shot him… Just once in the stomach. When people started to gather and the women screamed, that seemed to bring him to reality. He saw what he had done. He thought he killed David, so he turned the gun on himself.

 

I went to David’s room and tried to talk to him. He just turned over to face the other direction and muttered some words that I couldn’t comprehend. The doctors said that the bullet severed his spinal cord and that he will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I tried to visit him again, but he just did the same thing. After a few times, the nurses just told me that he didn’t want visitors. After a few more days, I stopped going completely. But I had already lost one friend, and didn’t want to lose another.

 

So one day I pushed passed the nurses. I went straight to David’s room. He was looking off into space, not looking at the doorway. I angrily asked him, “Why are you pushing your only friend away?” He turned over and looked at me with a face that spoke sadness and anger. He sat up and said “If I hadn’t have followed him like you said, I would still be able to walk. You aren’t a friend of mine. That died with Jeff and the feeling in my legs.”

 

I was shocked. The courage and frustration died as he spoke those words. He wiped the tears from his eyes and just said “Get out”. I left, without saying another word. What could I have said? That it wasn’t my fault? I did push him to do it. I was just as responsible as Jeff when he pulled the trigger.

 

After that, the last of my school years was a haze. The same stuff every day, unchanging. My grades slipped a lot, but I passed. Then, I fought with my parents. They saw that I was acting strange, never doing anything. Always alone and quiet. They wanted for me to go to a specialist or something. I knew he would just put me on meds and send me on my way. This wasn’t a problem medicine could fix. I felt that in order to escape the Haze, as I called it by then, that I had to leave this place. So I went out one night on my own. God knows how long and how far I walked. I ate from dumpsters for god’s sake. I only stopped to rest in strange places. Woods, park benches, even a beach house I broke into. But every time I woke up, the Haze was back. I finally came to a town I didn’t recognize. I said to myself, “This is my new home.” I walked the streets, with a feeling of relief. I just knew this town would be different.

 

I found some milk crates to sleep on and some cardboard for comfort. The piece of fabric I kept with me as a blanket kept me warm enough, even if it didn’t cover me all of the way. For the first time in a long time, I felt optimistic.

 

When I woke up, the Haze was there. I could feel David’s words as they cut me. “If I hadn’t have followed him like you said, I would still be able to walk.” “You aren’t a friend of mine. That died with Jeff and the feeling in my legs.” “Get out.” These words struck my head over and over again. It was like mini atomic bombs going off in my head, and the nauseas feeling I kept feeling was the radiation poisoning. I got up and stumbled. I knew from experience that it would take about 30 minutes to dissipate, so I patiently waited. Slowly, the feeling started to leave me. The atomic bombs downgraded to hand grenades, which was the only break I would get from the pain. I decided to walk around the new town and search for food.

 

I wondered for about an hour. I saw kids playing at the school, people buying groceries, etc. The usual life stuff. I walked into the bad part of the town. It wasn’t so much bad as it was just run down looking. I passed an ally way, when a voice came from it. “Hey! You look like you could use some help.” The older man shouted at me from his shelter by the dumpster. I walked up to him and asked what he meant. He said, “You look like you could use some help. I’d seen you over there when you woke up. Figured this would calm you down.” He hands me a bottle with a brown paper bag over it. It smells like cheap wine, so I figured this guy was just the local wino. But, I figured he was right. It would calm my nerves. I took a drink of the stiff liquid. It will definitely take a while getting used to.

 

At the time I thought that it would help me. It dulled the Haze a lot, to the point that I drank whenever I woke up just to keep it away. After a while, I started needing something stronger to keep it away. Stronger drinks almost every month. I can’t remember much that happened during those years. Everything from when I was 19 to about 25 just kinda melted together. One thing I do remember, is that I was content with the drinks. I would never go for the stuff that made Jeff the way he was.

 

I was twenty five years old when I woke up in a hospital. Apparently, I had passed out and stopped breathing. Alcohol poisoning is what the doctors had said. The old wino I hung out with, whose name was William but went by Wino Will, had called for help. The doctors said that if I didn’t quit drinking, that I would be dead by 28 and suggested rehab. I didn't like the idea. And I thought, would that be such a bad thing? To just die? I had nothing and no one. But the doctors said that if I didn’t take it, that I would have to spend 8 months sober in jail for public intoxication anyway. I figured 8 months in rehab was better than the same time in jail, so I took the deal. I was so glad that I did later.

 

During my time in rehab, I met Alisa. She was in there as a volunteer for a college project. Something about helping people with their addictions so that they would hopefully stay away from all of the college parties. Alisa later told me that she wasn’t even drinking there, and that she was her friend’s designated driver. But when the cops and the headmaster showed up it didn’t seem to matter the reason she was there. Wrong place and the wrong time. During the time that the volunteers were there, all we did was exercise and have our usual meetings. We all mostly just hung out and talked. Alisa said that she was going to become a teacher. She said that she wanted to help kids and that maybe she will make a difference in their lives. I must have made a face. She asked about my life and the reason I was in here. So, I told her my story.

 

When I finished, we sat silently and still. Hearing it seemed to be as hard for her as it was for me to retell it. She got up and walked over to me. She hugged me and started crying. I felt myself tearing up as she said, “The world isn’t like that all the time. You can’t give up on life.” We sat there like that for a few minutes, before she stood up and said that she had to get back. I gave her a warm smile and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t worry, I won’t give up.” She gave me a shy smile and left.

 

The next day, the volunteers arrived. Alisa saw me and smiled. We did the usual exercises and group talk. When we were alone, she asked what I will do when I left here. I said that I hadn’t thought of it and that now since I decided not to give up, I will probably look for a job and find a home. She then asked if my future included her. I smiled and said absolutely.

 

We were married on my birthday, two years later. A warm day of March 29^th. I had a job in the local hardware store cutting wood to size for customers. I was making minimum wage, but I was happy and content. I had tried to invite my parents, but when my father heard my voice, he hung up. I didn’t feel anything about it. It was just more of a formality than anything. Oh well, I had what I need. Everything was here. Alisa’s family was nice. Her dad and I got along great. Her mom already thought of me like a son. I wonder if Alisa had told them of my past. Frankly, I didn’t care though. I was the happiest I had been in a long time. We didn’t have money for a fancy honeymoon or anything, but her parents surprised us with a trip to the coast. We arrived to a small cabin overlooking the ocean. It had a beach out front which turned into sheer cliffs about three hundred yards down. We went inside, and the Earth could have ended right there and I would have been content.

 

About a year later, our pair of twins were born. Michael and Anna. On the day of their birth, I was so happy that I cried. It was a surprising change from the tears of sadness that I was used to shed. As they got older, I felt more emotions, but the reigning one was happiness. I taught Michael how to ride a bike. Alisa taught Anna how to play piano when she found interest in it. We helped them with friend troubles and, later, with relationship troubles. We were so proud of them. Then, when they were both 15. I had to tell them what my life was like before.

 

A policeman came to the door. I feared the worst when I opened the door. He told me that Michael was caught drinking with some of his friends, of which, in this case, I use the term loosely. Michael got out of the policeman’s car, embarrassed and fearful that I would be angry. We went inside and I sat him down at the kitchen table. Alisa came into the kitchen and asked what the matter was. I told her about Michael. I told her that I will tell him about my life and that he will never do it again, of which he agreed. She sighed, looking disappointed and a little teary eyed. I said that I wanted Anna in here so I wouldn’t have to tell the story twice if she got in similar trouble. They both sat there as I started the story.

 

When I was finished, they both sat there. Kinda shocked and sad. I had shown them what the world was like and what happened to me when those things were introduced into my life. I made them both promise never to do those things. They both agreed and they gave me a hug. Michael said he was sorry and that he didn’t know that it was that bad. I told him that we never think it’s that bad at first.

 

Everything was good. They were growing so fast. Alisa taught them both how to drive. I was reluctant to let them, but I knew I couldn’t keep them here forever. Oh, how I wished I could though. They were driving to see friends and to see the new movies coming out. When they were eighteen and graduated, we started going through the colleges that they could go to. Anna had gotten a scholarship with here piano playing. She wanted to be a teacher and be a piano teacher on the side, so she started as a teacher’s aide with Alisa. Michael was undecided, but I saw his eyes light up when I recommended that he become a graphic designer. After all, he loved everything animated and drawn. When they went off to college, Alisa cried. I held her and stayed strong, because I knew they would be back. They were going to set a better life than a lot of people had.

 

Michael called one day. This was their second year of college, and he said that he sold an idea for a video game. He made $20,000 off of it and he was going to come home with Anna in a few days to celebrate his first success. I was so excited, that I took off of work for the whole week. Alisa was off on summer break along with all the other teachers, so I rushed to the backyard where she was pruning the roses in her garden. I told her the good news and she jumped for joy. We hadn’t seen them in a couple months, and were eager to see them.

 

They arrived in a couple days at the house and they were just as excited to see us. Anna told us that she will be back a year before Michael, because her courses only lasted three years. They told us about what it was like there. New friends. Funny stuff that happened. Michael told us about his girlfriend, Sophie. Anna was reluctant to talk about Robert, her boyfriend. Alisa told them that they should invite them over one day and they agreed. Michael and Anna stayed the week in their old rooms. We went out to eat all week. We did everything we used to. On the last day, Anna said that they wouldn’t be back for another month, but when they came back, Robert and Sophie would be with them.

 

A month later, they called and said they were on their way. When they arrived, Alisa and I hugged Michael and Anna. We met Robert and Sophie. They were both fine people. Robert had met Anna when she played piano at the local restaurant for extra shopping money. Robert was a singer that was hired the same day and in a mix up, they met. He asked if he and Anna could demonstrate a song for us. Anna blushed and squeaked with an embarrassed “Ok”. They did a cover of She Talks To Angels by The Black Crowes. It brought chills to my skin and a few tears to my eyes. They were beautiful together. I squeezed Alisa’s hand as we listened and she smiled at me. When they finished, Alisa got up and hugged them both. I thanked them for the amazing performance and choked up a little when I said “I loved it.”

 

Sophie said that she and Michael met while he was asking around for voice actresses for his game. She only played a minor character in this game, but she would be a more major one in the next one. Michael voiced in to talk about how they started to hang out and eventually start to date. Now that this game was done, Michael and Sophie would be writing the plot for the next game. Alisa told them that they would love to see the game one day. Michael blushed slightly and said that he would send us a copy to play on the laptop. It would be a walkthrough, since Alisa and I didn’t know a lot about games.

 

When they left, I felt pleased. Sad to see them go again, but pleased. They made a lot of right decisions and were happy. And that’s all that mattered to me.

 

 

I’m going to speed ahead a little now, because I feel myself losing.

 

Michael and Anna finished college. Michael is working for a company he made on his own. It’s called Pen’s Inc. A play on words and it was successful. Anna finished a year ahead and started teaching at the school here. They both live a few miles away, which is good. I didn’t want her or Michael living too far away. Anna married Robert and Michael married Sophie. They had their weddings on the same day. I asked them both why, and they said since they were twins it seemed fitting. I was 48 then.

 

A few years later, I developed arthritis. Nothing surprising, considering I was 55. I was honestly surprised I made it this far. If it wasn’t for Alisa, I doubt I would have. I got to see my grandchildren every week. We were so happy when they visited. Anna and Robert had twin boys named Samuel and Anthony. Michael and Sophie had a girl named Emily. I hadn’t been there for the birth of Samuel and Anthony. I had a small heart attack and was in the hospital for a few days. Alisa stayed by my side the whole time. The first thing I did when I got out was go and see them though. I was there with Michael in the waiting room when Emily was born. He paced back and forth, nervous the entire time. I laughed a little, thinking that was probably what I looked like when they had been born.

 

I retired at 62. My arthritis was bad enough that I couldn’t write in the office anymore, which was fine by me. I never liked book work. I stayed home with Alisa, who had retired a year prior. Aged or not, she was still beautiful to me. My only regret is that I hadn’t somehow met her sooner.

 

I am now 67. I had a stroke and here I am. In the hospital. I can feel my heart beating. I feel myself withering away. I know that my death is soon. Alisa is holding my hand, saying I will make it through it. It’s comforting, but I know what comes. I told the kids I would be alright. The only lie I’ve ever told them. I don’t want them to see me go. Whether that is selfish or not, I don’t care. The alcohol I consumed in my youth seems to have finally taken its toll. I wish I didn’t have to leave Alisa alone, but I knew that our children would comfort her. I feel my heart barely going along. Before too long, it will slow enough that I will go unconscious. I tell Alisa that I love her, and to tell the kids that I love them. I tell her that I will see her another time, and that I will be waiting. My hand goes slack as I go unconscious, seconds from death.

 

~Epilogue~

 

The Thoughts Of A Dying Man.

Bump Bump

 

I feel my heart beating, it is slowing. I see Jeff and David. My parents. Alisa. My kids and grandkids. Even Wino Will. I’d walked this life, my shoes worn thin. And in the end, I found happiness.

 

Bump Bump

 

I think about different things. Seconds may be going by, but they feel like minutes. I give myself a question. “If I could change my life, would I make anything different?” I think for a moment, then I answer myself. I don’t think I would change a thing. I drift off, into the unknown, content and smiling.

 

 

A story by RaptureRider#4

 

 

 

Author's Note

Be kind, as this is my first story that actually turned out well. I know that it is short and doesn't encapsulate the whole of Daniels life, but I just wanted to write important events showing that his time was short. Besides, maybe that will leave more for me to write later. Probably needs editing, but I love it the way it is.

In case anyone want's to know, I came up with this story while riding home one day. It just came to me in a thought and grew to this. This story is based on fictional characters, any relation to real people is pure coincidence. Happy reading!