That Day

Hope yall enjoy.

In our own eyes we all seem invincible, feeling like nothing evil could happen to you sadly, that doesn't always render true. When evil lurks, its random when it starts to choose. You could go your whole life free-basing, or go out your first time mistaking. Russian Roulette with a needle for a gun... POW! The first shot was fun but little did what you've done.

 As the blood runs from you head to your feet, a bone chilling whisper," you have met you defeat." Some can fight it and hold on, unfortunately not all are that strong. They say the good die young and its practice under principle... but i'm wishing you where evil so i wouldn't be missing you. My love for you makes this hurt physical.

 A torn man between good and evil, i knew we were mischievous and could be deceitful... it was just kid stuff deep down we all were feeble. My eyes drown at the thought of this day.. but if you were hear i know you would hug me and tell me," it'll be OK." So from now on I can't say that i'll pray, but i'll talk to you like nothings changed.

 A boy left with a future of confusion it breaks my heart who evil is choosing. His soul pure and he's hardly spoken a word. A life destined for hardship from the game of roulette that occurred. With all my heart I'll try my best but honestly this has truly put my fate to the test.

 None the less, I will continue while you rest. I know its apart of life, but you where my sister... my brothers wife. That night you where supposed to come see me, but instead you just stopped breathing, I wanna call you selfish but we both battle the same demons. So as fucked up as it is, I understand what you were trying to achieve then. Its just hard to believe and so much grief that my eyes can't help but stream.  I just wanna scream!! I gotta stay strong for the other loved ones who live on.

 As soon as i heard the news i started searching for my fix... but then i think," Isn't this what started this s**t!?  It was cool in school but now the s***s real, I can't imagine how my brother or her family feels. I mean this thru and thru, I love you. A best friend taken away, all by this devilish game we play. IT STOPS TODAY!! I pray. This chase has consumed part of my life and taken yours, if i wanna survive this part of my life i have to close that door. From the top of my lungs i shout," IT'LL BE NO MORE!! I guess this is where i say goodbye, but that thought makes me cry.. I know i got to try, maybe one day... right now I just want to believe my own lies.

Author's Note

ROUGH DRAFT!

Reviews

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Again, its a wonderfull piece of poetry! Hope I'll see more of your work. :)

[the writer of woe]

Could use a LOT better formatting. Other than that, it conveys a great message that brightens up my night! Great job!

[Brummy59]

Yea, formatting is what I'm definitely working on! Thank you for the review! :)

[RiverRei]

This is amazing. For a poem, I don't like the formatting lol. Having it in a big paragraph like this actually made it a little difficult for me to read. However, I did really like it and it made me really sad. If this is true to you, then I'm sorry for your loss. It's always hard losing someone you care about. I would be careful though, it sounds like you and your brother's wife were having affair with the line "That night you were supposed to come see me." and that's even with the fact you called her your sister. The clarification of "brother's wife", just put in my head that you two were more than just in-laws. Definitely keep working on this though, it's really good and full of emotion. I can't wait to see how this goes through the editing and revision process :)

[Brummy59]

Yea I was kinda thinkin the same thing too, and yea this did happen, but no their was no relations lol. What formatting would this fit into then? I am just not exactly sure what my writings are. :) thank you for your opinion and criticism!! :)

[RiverRei]

I would just work on cutting them into lines, and then separating them into stanzas...Formatting for me has never been set in stone for me. It's more how you feel it looks and flows best for you. Does that make sense? Hopefully that helps lol.

[Brummy59]

Ahhh I get what your saying! Yea that's a great idea cause it does seem to blur together at times. I'm gonna work on doin this today!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Rough draft?! I wish I could write a poem like that, or anything close to that. :) I love the way you just say whats on your mind. Straightforward. If you ask me, I'd say that maybe the grammar needs a little work, but hey, I'm not your English teacher ;-)
Anyhow, I can only thank you for sharing this poem with us.

[Brummy59]

Thank you! :) yes my grammar is kinda sub-par but it's geting better! The compliments are much obliged.

[Jordan]

Is this a rap? Reads like one, I dig it.

& it is raw, as a rough draft should be - nice write.

[Brummy59]

Thanks man, and no it's not I guess it's just how I write.